Ms. White in the Library with the Candlestick

I'm switching over!

2010-12-07T02:34:00.000-08:00

So, I've decided today, like just very recently that I am switching over to my new blog clickclickcorey.blogspot.com!
Please please please come follow me there!
It's going to be mostly the same thing but a little more defined and a tad more professional (I'm letting the link go on my resume and such...)

I'm really, really excited! Now all I need is a pretty (and all my own) blog look. That's where the real work is going to come in. :/

I'm keeping this blog for my more personal back entries that I don't want to be without but don't feel are appropriate for the direction I want to take.

P.S. I've only read one lesson of Elsie's e-course and I've already learned so frickin much! I think things are really going to come together very nicely here soon! Best money I've spent in a long time!

<3 C

My Favorite Song Right Now

2010-12-06T23:56:00.000-08:00

Rihanna // What's My Name? ft. Drake
Uploaded by AROBAISE. - Independent web videos.

Sorry for the ad, it was the shortest one I could find!

Latest Purchase

2010-12-06T23:35:00.000-08:00

Imagine my surprise when I thought I was going to get a poster and instead got this. But I still love it! I know it's backwards (yay photo booth) but this is all I have right now.

I made some more purchases today but those are mall purchases. Like a purse from H&M and the second book in The Dark Tower series. I also purchase a dark purple sweater and a Keep a Breast lanyard. Lastly some supplies for my lil (youngest) sister's birthday. We're going ice skating!!! YAY I can cross that off my Christmas to do list!

Alright, time to work on my list of things to do to get my resume all pretty! Oh yes and I started a new blog about my job search and my photography finds! It's clickclickcorey.blogspot.com take a look if you like!

toodles!
C

my favorite line lately

2010-12-06T23:18:00.001-08:00

being a part of something bigger

2010-12-03T02:17:00.000-08:00

This is what I did tonight, read a draft of a friend's novel. Her first. It's so very exciting and honestly I couldn't put it down! I read the whole thing in two parts tonight. I was suppose to go see Burlesque with S so I read several chapters before and left it on my pillow open to my place to return home to after the movie. I was sure I would get only halfway through at best. But we missed the movie and after some hangouts I came home and started reading again... I got caught up and I didn't stop until I finished it.

It's so exhilirating to get a chance to be a part of someone's big dream. I'm so stoked I get to be a part and when I was writing my first email of comments I was just so stoked to be able to get to talk to the author or a story I was reading for once. All my questions COULD be answered. To save her story she might not answer everything but just being able to get those questions out there was awesome.

I think I did so well with my communication major because I love collaboration, I love bouncing ideas off of other people and creating a work so great. This work is obviously all hers I'm just glad I get a sneak peak into the writer's mind.

Obviously I am going to say NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING about the story except how wonderful it is and how much fun I am having reading and sharing comments. I can't even imagine creating something like this... how do all of the details come together? I am just in awe really.

So that kicked out any Operation Holiday Cheer plans I had for tonight. I did buy some more holiday cards so I am going to start on that list either tomorrow or Saturday and get some out in the mail asap!

I also had to make a visit to the verizon store because last night without any real warning my phone (Blackberry Storm) decided to give me an Error message of death that would not be fixed. I switched back to my Blackberry Curve and did what I could have the texting issues I was having with it in the past. I'm definitely torn between the two phones. I do like touch screen but I also like the keyboard on the curve... I also am waiting for the iPhone to come to Verizon in January. One can only hope and cross fingers!

I got a call from insurance telling me how much I am getting back after they pay my poor, completely broken car off and it's more than I thought. Good news...

A gentleman friend that had been gone for a while in a distant land (no exaggeration) has come back into my life. I'm hesitant and open at the same time if that's even possible. We had really good times before but I'm also really hurt from the most recent male. He was no gentleman. He was an a-hole. But water under the bridge and what not? I guess.

Now it is my bedtime (really need to start going to bed at 12 at the latest) and so I shall sleep!

2010-12-02T00:55:00.000-08:00

Today was another Wednesday with Baby Brows. He's so awesome and amazing. That baby brings so many extra smiles to my day it's almost unbelievable. He has such a personality and I'm just blown away every day by new things that he learns to do.
My favorite thing is how happy and excited he gets with himself when he learns something new. That boy has my heart forever.

As far as Operation Holiday Cheer goes... today I made cookies (didn't have a cookie party). They were sugary and delicious even though they were suppose to be oatmeal chocolate chip. I think next time I won't bother with the pre-packaed cookie mix, they are nothing like homemade cookies. Good, but not excellent. I want excellent when I eat a cookie I baked in a home oven. Picky? Maybe. But we have to draw our lines somewhere don't we?

Tonight's holiday movie wasn't really a holiday movie at all but I looked at my small collection of DVDs and watching it just seemed right.

I think I still consider this a holiday movie because I watched it during Christmas vacation one year with my best lady C. I was really sick the next day (super bad cold or some sort of flu) and after dropping my sister off at gymnastics I bought the movie and the soundtrack and I think it was all I watched for a week or two.

For some reason the winter/holiday season makes me so vulnerable to feeling mushy and needy for affection. I find myself hoping more than usual that I'll find someone to share the holiday (and the New Year) with. It's a dangerous time. I'm very open to attack at this time of year. I'm also very open to possibility. I guess there are pros and cons...

While watching Garden State I decided to get back to work on my blanket. This project is taking me a LOT longer than I thought it would! These squares, though small, still take a long time. I made 2 over the course of the movie. I'm averaging about 45 minutes each then? I feel so slow but I crochet pretty fast. So fast my hand cramps sometimes. I'm use to being able to see the growth of the blanket as I continue working on it so maybe that's why this is getting frustrating.

I have so many things to work on and I feel I have no time. I used up a lot of my time earlier taking naps instead of creating. I don't regret it but there's only so much time in a day.

OOOOOOH! I also finished a book today!

Although I am not racing to the bookstore to get the second book in the series I am really curious to see what happens next AND I will be reading the graphic novels as well as watching the movies (I'm not sure if the movies are out yet but they have been talked about since 2007). More research needed obviously.

Again it's late and I am sleepy but I have so much on my mind.

How many days til Christmas?

2010-12-01T00:29:00.000-08:00

Today has been a roller coaster of emotions. Males blowing me off in a big jerky way and others coming back from deployment. Needless to say I was emotionally exhausted when I got home today but in order to keep myself out of depression I decided to watch a holiday movie and start working on a puzzle I bought recently.

The movie:

Definitely a good cheer up and make the most of it movie. Definitely a chick flick. I'm a sucker for both. Especially when I am feeling down in the dumps which I was when I started the movie.

ALSO!!!

Last night I sent facebook messages to most of my friends requesting their address should they want a holiday card in the mail. I am almost overwhelmed by the response. SO MANY of my friends have sent me their address in the last 24 hours. I'm really excited. I don't even care that I have at least 20 more cards to write now and I have to go buy more. People love getting things in the mail that aren't asking for money and I love putting together letters. WIN WIN!!!

Dear blog readers, if you too want a holiday card email me! I love pen pals and such.

Holiday Cheer

2010-11-30T02:07:00.000-08:00

I'm thinking of recreating the magic of Christmas for myself. I've spent the past few years either stressed or apathetic to the whole shebang and I always feel like I'm missing out. This year I've given it a big more thought, especially after realizing Thanksgiving seemed so hurried and pointless, and I've put together a list of ideas for how to make this season a tad more enjoyable...

I started tonight by watching Elf, definitely my favorite Christmas movie (oops, wrote before I thought, Love Actually comes in parallel to Elf for my favorite). During the movie I started my Christmas shopping list and my holiday cards.

My Christmas shopping list is looking sad right now because I still have no ideas of what to get people but I'll be spending more time really thinking about it this year. I'm thinking etsy will be where I get my inspiration.

After the movie was over I thought of all of the wonderful things I could do to make this season a little more happy.

get meaningful gifts and wrap them way before christmas eve

gather around a fire (contained obviously)

See holiday of lights (CHECK!!!)

have a cookie making party

sing christmas carols (maybe, still shy about my singing voice)

watch holiday movies like Love Actually

watch Season 1 of The O.C. (always puts me in cold/winter mood)

bundle up and drink hot cocoa

go ice skating (OH BOY I NEED TO!)

finish a blanket OR scarf by christmas

send out holiday cards

take pictures

get pink tree or a picture with one

hang out with good friends

work on new years/birthday 26 before 26 list and continue checking off from 25 before 25 list

make paper snowflakes

make vegetarian gravy

Looks like I'm going to be verrrry busy. Fun, fun, fun!

*all images found via weheartit, vi.sualize.us and google images

What I Did Today...

2010-11-30T01:45:00.000-08:00

Went to the fabulous mall and spent some time shopping at Forever 21... found a cute purse, some socks and a couple of rings.

Then came home, read (and attempted to finish before I fell asleep) The Gunslinger by Stephen King. No such luck, the nap won out.

Picked up Baby Brows with Señor Brows from parents of Unicorn Sparkles.

Came home and had a family night of watching 2 of my favorite shows:

Then I retreated to my room and watched my favorite Christmas movie (because I love, love, love Zooey Deschanel) Elf!

Now I am very sleepy and wish to watch the backs of my eyelids after I feed my very hungry stomach.

Goodnight and happy holidays!

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

2010-11-29T12:42:00.000-08:00

I am so beyond excited right now, I just signed up for Ms. Elsie's e-course on blogging. I've been trying to figure out how to improve my blog and I just ADORE, seriously, Adore, her blog so this is perfect. Elsie has been quite an inspiration for me over the past year and I'm just stoked out of my mind that I'm finally able to take one of her courses. Awesome town to the max. So stoked and ready!

Thank you Elsie for being fabulous (and gorgeous to boot)!

Recently Pinned

2010-11-29T12:30:00.000-08:00

I LOVE pintrest. If you haven't heard about it, GO GO GO see what it is about! If you have one, ummm follow me please!

So to start off this week with a pretty and positive feel I'm posting some of my recently pinned pretty pictures. Here we go:

Delicious looking rainbow pancakes. I wouldn't even feel weird about eating the green one!

Yes please I want to make these!

I want to visit Las Vegas now. I want to eat here.

more red shade inspiration

I want to snuggle him sooooo bad!

And now to start the day fresh and happy. Have a bunch of things to do. Oh goodness. Positive outlook day 1 here I come!

1. Rainbow pancakes 2. felt alphabet 3. Las Vegas Veggie 4. pretty red 5. snuggle buddy

I DID IT!!!!

2010-11-27T17:35:00.000-08:00

closer picture when it is fully healed!

#1 is officially checked off of my 25 before 25 list!
It says: Against the Grain
Done at: Lucky's (Downtown San Diego)
Art By: Thor

Overall experience went a little like this: I had been thinking about Against the Grain as you know considering I posted about it a couple of days/maybe a week earlier. I thought and thought and didn't want to wait any longer so I sent a text to a tattooed friend asking for a recommendation on a really good walk in tattoo shop. If I had been getting my hot air balloons or anything else I would not have done a walk in, but this was basic and I trusted my friend's judgement. He told me about Lucky's so I looked them up and found nothing but great reviews on their Yelp page. Then I went to their Myspace page and looked at the examples of artists' work and was again impressed.
After having a semi distressing talk with the guy looking at my car for insurance I gathered my things and drove into a place I call my driving Hell. Oh downtown I don't miss you. Found the shop, parked the car and walked in a very determined manner in.
Talked to the first guy explaining what I wanted, waited for a second for the script guy (as they called him at first) to come back from break. He came in, I told him what I wanted, he asked if he could show what he would like better, I agreed. I leave art to artists when I don't have all the knowledge I need. He drew up a gorgeous piece and I was sold.
Waited while he set up and was a little nervous, not for the feeling but for my future. I get it, everything changes, and while I know I'm going to be tattooed doing the first one was like breaking a seal that I was a tad afraid to break.
He called me over, I sat down and placement began. We found out I am double jointed in my elbows/wrists (not quite sure which part is responsible for the way my arms can turn) and perfected the placement.
Then it began... whoever says a tattoo is completely painless is lying. I'm not saying it was excruciating or anything close but it wasn't a nice soft lover's touch either. It's like bee stings, or tips of really sharp razors catching your skin, or sandpaper continuously rubbing your skin raw.
The part that kind of surprised me was my lack of anxiety about the needle. It might have been because the needle goes too fast up and down to see but either way I now know that part of a tattoo will never be a problem.
Total it took less than an hour to outline, fill and touch up the writing. I left at the same determined pace as I entered and went on with my night.

Like all big decisions in my life I have been going back and forth about how I feel about this piece. I love it but I wondered if I would always love it. Today (3 days later) I can say that I am completely and totally in love with the piece. I no longer want to worry about how it will affect my future because it won't affect it negatively if I don't let it.

YAY!!! I finally accomplished #1 on the list!!!!

It Is Official

2010-11-26T01:58:00.000-08:00

My car is a total loss.

Now what? I get to wait some more for a new department of my crap insurance agency to contact me. I might turn blue from holding my breath on Monday, I probably won't hear from them until next Wednesday or so. I swear this is all a bad joke.

And then? I find a new (to me) car. This is bumming me out. Normally I like all things shopping but when it comes to cars I do NOT. I do not like car shopping because I always, and I mean always, like cars out of my price range. I could go for a 2007-Present Volvo S40 or a 2003/2004 Jetta VR6 or maybe a 2008-present Mitsubishi Lancer... all more expensive than what I think I might be getting from insurance.

So shoot, up crap creek with a very tiny paddle. Do I take this guy to small claims court and figure out the difference in money that I would need to cover the new car? Do I get a car I don't like as much? One of the problems is I was spoiled from the get go. My first car was a brand new Jetta with a sun/moon roof, 6 disk cd changer and it was just my best friend. Probably why I would consider going back to the 2003 Jetta and this time upgrading to the VR6 engine. My second car, may she rest, was a 2010 Corolla Sport. No sun/moon roof but she was gorgeous and I love, love, loved her.

I guess I am just going to have to take my sweet time with this one and really, really do more research. Pretty sure I'm going to need to get a used car.

The part that really tans my hide is that I will still be paying for the totaled car after this is all over. I can either use the money to get a new (to me) car or pay off the loan but if I pay off the loan then what am I going to do to get a new car considering I am jobless (technically) and can't prove an income. Plus, I don't want to be paying payments anymore. At least not any over $200 a month.

So here I am, confused as can be hoping I get a good amount of money to cover this mess.

p.s. I need a job, a fun one that makes me excited to get up every day. One that challenges me. I need a job that won't question tattoos or piercings. I guess I need to start the hard search. Get real deep in it and try real hard.

I'm exhausted just thinking about it all.

a little hello

2010-11-23T00:57:00.000-08:00

I've blown it pretty big lately with the daily posts.
I need to go to bed as is so I don't have much time.

I want to say CONGRATULATIONS!!!! to Mrs. Dani on the birth of her beautiful baby boy. Visit her at www.sometimessweet.blogspot.com if you don't already!

And as far as the blanket square count goes I have completed about 8 since last time, 5 today. I just did a total count about 20 minutes ago but I forgot and I'm too lazy to get out of bed. Much apologies, next post will be a little more lively and on track with me.

Wednesday I will get to hear what is going on with my car. Now that I think about it I might not even hear about it until Friday considering the appointment is all day Wednesday so the person could take a look at it before closing if they wanted and then Thursday is Thanksgiving and then Friday they MIGHT get back to me. I hope it will work in a better way where they get there in the morning. That would be a glimmer of goodness in this nightmare of a situation.

Other than that life is normal. I was a little down today due to a couple of things but tomorrow is a new day so we shall see what it brings.

Goodnight!

Sorry for the post barrage, this is my therapy

2010-11-19T01:50:00.000-08:00

If you are confident, they will say you are arrogant.
If you are deliberate, they will say you are too sure of yourself.
If you have a sense of purpose, they will say you are self-absorbed.
If you know who you are, they will ask, “Who are you, anyway?”
If you believe in kindness and compassion, they will say you are naïve.
If you are a dreamer, they will say “join the real world.”
If you are a rebel, they will try to shut you down.

Found here

Line 5 and 6 hit home so hard. I have been called naïve, I have been told to "grow up" and I have been told to "join the real world" all by the same person. I'm not talking about those instances where I cry over spilt milk or forget my age and act out, I'm talking about times where I am speaking about what I believe in and what I believe is right. Said so condescendingly I retreat into my mind and wonder if maybe I've just been spinning myself idealic dreams that are to silly and fanciful for anyone. But then I think over these ideas again and I speak them over with others and I realize, no, I'm not being childish and I am NOT living in a dream world. What I want from people and from a job and from life is possible, I just have to shut out those who've become too bitter.

Truth be told I don't ever want to "grow up" if it means losing my curiosity or losing my sense of compassion. I will be naïve if it means that people are treated with respect no matter the employment contract.

I don't want to live in a bitter, resentful, nothing is ever good enough world. It seems like a great waste of such a short time on earth.

This is what happens when I'm frustrated

2010-11-19T01:33:00.000-08:00

Body mods. Clearly this isn't real but I'm almost positive something like it will be by the end of the week. Suck on that nay-sayers.

I love City and Colour.

a bit of a downer

2010-11-19T01:03:00.000-08:00

Today was a bit of a downer. My face was rubbed in my lack of money, and I once again realized that I have a college degree and have made no move to do anything with it nor do I have any idea of what I could/would/should do with it.

Anything I've accomplished or done in my life seems really insignificant. I feel really untalented and basically useless overall. I feel like an incredible burden with nothing to offer. I don't know what I want to do, I don't know what skills I have to sell, I don't know how to find a job (mission) that challenges me and keeps me wanting to wake up every morning.

I feel incredibly lost right now and it doesn't help that a member of my family (who has great influence on how I think and feel about myself) says such negative things. It doesn't matter how many nice things other people say, my self measurements were set by him really early in life and I'm doubting I'll find the happiness I'm looking for unless I somehow get rid of his rubric and find my own. I've been through this mental fight over and over and over again and I can't fix anything, when I think of things like "what do I want to do" or "what am I good at" my mind becomes a black void. Imagine a subject you never grasped fully in school, remember that total feeling of empty space, the feeling of logic scrambling in the space where your brain is... that's how I feel when I try to find something positive about myself. My brain shuts down after it kicks the crap out of itself for too long. The best part is, I always protect the ones that are hardest on me. I say, "oh no, maybe they were right. Maybe I should have tried harder to be a three legged superhero with wings." Obviously this is not possible unless we're talking about Halloween costumes, but for weeks, months possibly even years I will continue to feel like a failure because I couldn't be the success (three legged superhero with wings) that they wanted me to be.

Basically I'm moneyless, car-less, boyfriendless and talentless. I've been told since a very young age that I have no resolve, that I don't stick with things. In all fairness I haven't stuck with any idea very long... but is that because I was told when I quit one thing that I was forever going to quit everything else?

I'm really pathetic right now and feel incredibly stupid because I can't find my own answers. How smart am I? I can't find my own answers, I can't figure out what to do.

The only thing I have going for me right now is my living situation. Unicorn Sparkles, Señor Brows and Baby Brows make me smile even when I'm feeling incredibly shitty. For a second I can forget.

Where is that moment in the movie where I have an epiphany and I know what I have to do to fix myself? I could really use something right now.

There are many many times where against my better judgement I wonder if ignorance really is bliss.

Wednesdays with Baby Brows

2010-11-18T01:12:00.000-08:00

And so ends another Wednesday with the lil' man. Lady roommate has requested a name change so they are as follows:
Lady of the House: Unicorn Sparkles
Man of the House: Señor Brows
Lil Man of the House: Baby Brows

As you can see, Baby Brows was in a good mood today which was oh so fun! We tried walking a bit, we ate some yummy foods (I might have snacked on some of his yummy snacks too) and we watched some new (to me) Yo Gabba Gabba episodes. I am so very glad he takes to me pretty well. I'm stoked beyond belief that he's not a baby that cries every time his parents leave, I'm so so glad that we've bonded. He gives me kissies and mashes my face with his hands and sometimes, if I'm lucky he gets reaaaaal close, fakes me out like he's giving me a kiss and yells at the top of his lungs, in my face. Oh babies.

Maybe next week I'll be brave and venture outside of this house with this bundle of cuteness. I haven't yet because I feel so comfortable at home with him. What if he gets fussy when we go out? What do I do? Honestly he's a really, amazingly good baby I'm just worried as always. I think we'll start with kiddie gym next time. Then go from there.

Well, computer is all out of power. Sleep time!

The blanket...

2010-11-18T00:46:00.001-08:00

When I started my blue and pink blanket I just dove right in, head first... started crocheting without planning the final outcome. Today, today I sketched it out and boy oh boy do I have a LOT of crocheting to do.

There is no way that this blanket was going to be finished any time soon if I had been really doing NaNoWriMo... more like NaBlaCroMo National Blanket Crocheting Month... that's what I'm calling it from here on out.

Instead of posting word counts I am going to post square counts... yes, square counts.

Total squares needed: 81

Squares Made: 20

oh goodness. Thanksgiving is not going to be about food, oh no, it's going to be about making a blanket!

20 down, 61 more to go!!!

At first I just wanted a throw but now, as the blanket starts to take shape in my mind I realize I want one that will cover a queen size bed. Finger's crossed this one will be big enough to do just that!

YUM YUM YUM

2010-11-17T16:54:00.000-08:00

My next project that I am going to work on is a cooking project. Thanksgiving has crept up on me and I'm going to need to spend some time this weekend and the beginning of next week working on my vegetarian Thanksgiving dishes.

I was inspired to do a few of my own dishes when I started looking for vegetarian gravy. What I've been bummed about the past three Thanksgivings was my lack of gravy on my potatoes. Butter and pepper is good on mashed potatoes but it is definitely not the same.
So while searching for veggie gravy I found Veggie Busicuits and Gravy!

recipe here

That gravy doesn't look like the kind I need for my potatoes though, so I searched more...

recipe here

FOUND SOME! It looks nice and delicious. I'll be able to tell you how it goes after Thanksgiving.

I want food now.

It is just a thing they say

2010-11-17T00:30:00.000-08:00

I must break the cycle and go to bed like now. I just wanted to post because I don't want to keep messing up and forgetting days on my NaBloPoMo November. So here I am.

Today has been sprinkled with worry and frustration once again due to drunkie. We've found the name of the car owner, now I hope tomorrow morning I can confirm with police that it was the same man they arrested, if not there will be even more to figure out. If so we can move on and see if, in fact, he let his insurance lapse. If so my deductible fee is waved (oh goody) and I'm sure a bunch more costs will come my way. After that mess is figured out and all facts are in place I will have to get someone out to look at my damaged car and tell me if it is a) salvageable or b) totaled. Both come with some possible complications... if it is option A then who knows how long I will have to wait to get it fixed AND when I go to sell it in the future how much money will I lose? If option B happens then the possibility of not getting enough money to pay off the rest of the car loan AND get a working vehicle for myself is there. I'm incredibly worried and frustrated with this whole situation. My insurance company (except for maybe one man) is sitting on it's feet and twiddling their thumbs during this. Turns out they won't be able to see my car this Thursday, oh no, they mean Thanksgiving thursday, or maybe that Tuesday, either way someone is yanking my chain around and I don't like it one bit.
If I get the car towed to another place (auto body shop), then I will have to pay the tow yard for the towing, labor and the daily fee for at least 5 days as well as a fee that comes with a car sitting in a lot for over 72 hours. That last fee could run me up to $150. Special. So whether people tell me it's going to be okay or not I'm definitely freaking out. I just have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I'm going to end up being punished when I did NOTHING and I mean NOTHING wrong. Cars are allowed to be parked by the curb on streets, I drink maybe once a month, I don't drive once I've had said drink, I wasn't driving, I didn't crash into anyone, my car was maybe an inch or two from the curb, way less than a foot, there was no hill so my tires didn't have to be turned, for the most part I got my oil changes on time, AND, big whopping AND, I bought insurance from day one and I paid a good price and still I am getting put on the back burner and treated like crap. They never said in preschool that you would be punished when you were an innocent bystander.

I'm hoping that the worst has past and it will be all better from here on out.
(quick sidenote: they keep asking if a child seat was in the car, if it had been would they be 1- moving faster on my claim and 2- giving me more money? Dang)

no picture today, I apologize.

Never get to sleep on time

2010-11-16T02:30:00.000-08:00

Slept a lot this morning/afternoon. I think I forced myself to get up at 2pm but I'm not quite sure. After finally getting out of bed I made some calls and made a teenie, tiny bit of progress on the whole car nightmare.

After dealing with insurance guys and police voice mails I decided to be a bit productive and took myself down to the grocery store in my guy roommate's big ol' truck. I was scared at first but I made it there and back with no scares. Tomorrow is the real test with the freeway and all but somehow I know I will be fine. It must be funny to see lil' ol' me in the driver seat of that truck though. I think I get lost in it a bit.

I for once in a long time made dinner (first meal of my day), I decided on spaghetti with veggie prego sauce, onions, mushrooms and smart grounds fake meat. It was delicious and so was the Diet Coke I had with it. I then sat down to watch Going the Distance which is definitely one of my favorite movies and did a little online craigslist work that I have been putting off for weeks. Sigh, glad that's done for the next 7 days.

After craigslist I started on my fun to-do's and made a couple of squares for my blue and pink blanket. I think I'm halfway done with the squares and I'm really excited about that. Really, really excited. I watched a recorded SNL from this weekend, then the fam came home and we watched as little Seb stood by himself trying desperately to keep balance. It's some sort of magical being a part of these milestones. I'm still no where near wanting a baby but it means so much to me to be a part of his life. I wasn't ready to be amazed by a child's first anything when my siblings' went through their first years.

I finished my few squares watching Gossip Girl and then retreated to my bedroom to collect some pictures I have taken so that I can put together a portfolio with the lady of the house. Both her and O have been sooooooo helpful and great to me. I'm constantly surprised and thankful for everything they've done and keep doing for me. Moving here was truely a step in the right direction.

I had said to myself that I was not to stay up past 12 but look at me, seeing 2:30 am yet again. Waking up tomorrow is going to be painful, but that's what I get.

Now that I've typed it all out I don't think I was AS productive as I could have been but thankfully I did complete some tasks and tomorrow is another day.

and here I shall leave you with a very old picture I took of myself...

goodnight moon

Successful Weekend

2010-11-15T02:13:00.000-08:00

I need this

I am soooooo excited!!!
Today Lady roommate and I went to Wal-Mart (somewhere I usually refuse on all accounts to go, but she wanted to) and we bought some new yarn so I could start a blanket for her. She wanted to go with the square idea and have rainbow yarn in the middle. At first I thought she meant picking out the colors of the rainbow and doing a red square, then green, then blue etc etc but she was actually talking about yarn already died as a rainbow (multicolored and as I thought about it I realized 1) it would work and 2) I'd have an extra project idea to work on after I'm done with my three current blankets. (yes three, I went a little crazy)

So tonight, after watching The Walking Dead and cleaning up my once again messy room (I threw everything from my poor car in my room haphazardly that night) and taking a nice shower (I also bought myself new body wash and a loofah) I painted a quick coat of red on my toes and started my sample square.

In the middle of working on the square I decided once and for all to learn some tricks that had been giving me trouble since I started crocheting. Tonight, dear friends, I learned 1) how to properly end a square and 2) how to properly change colors.

I'm so excited, this means if I give myself enough time and start teaching myself other patterns I could potentially sell my blankets! I've never had a craft I could sell!!! Even better part, I can teach my youngest sister how to crochet the proper way. She won't have obvious seams in her work nor will she have knots or obvious (sloppy) transitions. I'm really, really excited!

In other news:
Saturday was a lot of me driving around Encinitas (the roommates let me drive their Prius, fun and interesting little car). I was waiting to meet up with a visiting bestie and while driving around I saw a sign saying "Border's closing sale 30-40% off. I sped across El Camino Real to Border's like a maniac. In Borders I went a tad crazy, I spent a couple hours I'm sure perusing and during that time ran into bestie and her mom. We said hi, commented on the loveliness and confirmed plans of meeting up later that evening for dinner. I then went off and went a bit more crazy. I bought some books (well duh, one of which is The Walking Dead graphic novel volume 1. So stoked to compare and contrast to the story. (and be a graphic novel nerd)
After tearing myself away from Borders I went to Barnes and Noble to pick up a couple of books I could not find before. One to send to lil sis T at college and one that was recommended highly.

Then I met up with a friend I haven't seen in so very long, we'll call him Lil B. We met with C-San Francisco at a delicious food place called Rico's. We all use to be a part of a group in high school and it was so much fun to be reunited again. C-SF and I went to see a movie while Lil B went to see a show. The movie was whatever but the act of going to Rico's, hanging out at movie theaters and driving around Encinitas (and chillin with Lil' B) was so nostalgic of high school and I had such a blast. After the movie we went to LB's house and we demanded to see his room, we wanted to know if it had changed any and then we all talked for 3 hours about so many different things. I admitted a HUGE high school crush on Lil B (we call him Lil' B because he was a year behind us) and we listened to all kinds of music and finally at 3 am I had to call it quit and drive home.

Today was Dad's birthday and honestly I didn't do much before going to dinner. Obviously the start of this entry shows what I did after dinner.

Now I must sleep in preparation for an early morning of chatting nicely with Police officers and their secretaries. Then work. Sigh.

FEEDBACK PLEASE!!!

2010-11-15T00:21:00.000-08:00

yeah i went there...

I would love, love, love your feedback dear 7 readers of my blog. (Hopefully there are still 7 of you.) I want to make this a bigger thing but I'm not quite sure how to do it.
I'd love to know how you came across my blog, what made you read it and then what made you keep reading it... anything would be helpful.

I always want to write here but I often find myself drawing a blank when it comes to what I should share. So at the risk of sounding redundant... please please please, what should there be more of? What should there be less of?

Thanks so much.

For a moment or even a couple of hours I forgot.

2010-11-13T02:46:00.000-08:00

For a few hours tonight I forgot that my car was not parked outside, that my axle is snapped and that the body of my car near the rear driver wheel is cracked to the point of splitting open and creating a nice quarter inch gap. It was really, really nice.

What I did:
-Drank some delicious sparkling wine (because if it's not from france it's not champagne, or so they tell me).
-Looked at new blogs to add to my read list:
A Fabulous Fete
Elizabeth Hayley
In Every Season
Volume 25
Get the Words Out
-Read my usual blog haunts:
Not Your Average Ordinary
Hula Seventy
Bleubird Vintage
A Beautiful Mess
Skunkboy Creatures
Sometimes Sweet
-Watched a few episodes of Desperate Housewives
- Continued working on my newest crocheting pride and joy...

And now I'm off to sleep. I hope for decent dreams.

Update on my car

2010-11-12T17:16:00.000-08:00

Today has been quite an eventful but fruitless day... there was a sobbing breakdown for a good two minutes.

It started with my lady roommate showing me how to use her car (good).

Then things unfolded as such:

-Came back in house to see missed call on phone, called back and gave insurance claim guy info on where my car was. (mediocre)

-He transfered me to a lady to set up an appointment for them to look at the car. It is going to be Thursday. (BAD BAD BAD)

-Got off phone and called mom, she made me realize how unacceptable it was. (Definitely frustrated by this point and tired due to 4 hours max of sleep)

-Called insurance company to see what policy covers in terms of rental car and towing. They cover neither but say I'm fully covered. ("What the eff am I going to do" runs through my head)

-Talk to Dad about whole thing, he says it was police officer's negligence and that needs to be reported to insurance. Also need to get drunkie's info and badger insurance company to get this moving faster. (Now I have new people to call, again frustrated and overwhelmed.)

- Call police department, they can't do anything for me for at least 5 business days they say. (EFF!)

- Call Mom again and again go through discussion about how it's unacceptable on all parts. Get off phone to call insurance claim guy.

- Call insurance claim guy asking what's next and what can be done. Nothing. Not one effing thing until Thursday. If I have drunkie's info I can go through his policy to get a rental car he says but he is not authorized to get me one himself. He's sorry. I call bullshit it in my head. Then he says no matter what happens I still have to pay deductable. I ask how much... $500. Breaking point. I cry quietly until I get off the phone then I double over sobbing for a minute.

-Call mom again not able to fully pull myself together. We talk, she still feels it is unacceptable, OBVIOUSLY MY INSURANCE COMPANY SUCKS A FATTY.

-Talk to mister roommate and he says to go to police department requesting information and just bug them constantly.

-take a nap so I don't go to police station crying.

-wake up, talk to mad momma bear, get ready.

-Get to police station, overhear a girl with almost the same exact problem as mine. Her car was hit at 12am and the driver was no where to be found. Awesome. From what I hear her tire is as eff as mine looked in the dark. Reps finally get me to pay for report which won't come to me for about 10 days (rad) and tell me to call my officer's secretary.

-Leave office, call secretary, leave message, drive to where my car is being kept.

-No call when I get to lot. Tell guy at window I want to take pictures. Fill out form releasing insurance to look at car (when they get their lazy, c-sucking butts around to it) then get led to my car.

-Gasp inwardly, it looks even worse in the daylight:

Called police secretary again (no answer), called mom again and gave her all the policy numbers and phone numbers. Rad. Then went to Taco Bell for some food. Called secretary twice more once at home and still no answer. Guess who's getting calls tomorrow...

This is a nightmare.

I just keep telling myself that it's okay, it's just a thing, this too shall pass, at least I or anybody else wasn't hurt. (Frankly I wish the guy who did it was. But that's mean I guess.) Thankfully I have amazing friends and family to help me out should I need it. I can't imagine not having people around to help if this happened. No rental car for a week? How does one get to work? Really.

I am amazed at the crappy job done by several people involved.

Just Peachy

2010-11-12T04:02:00.000-08:00

As I was about to put my dear computer away for the night I hear a loud bang boom crash and screech of tires. Then, oh then, my car alarm blared.

Dear blog friends, tonight, right after my last post a drunk driver ran straight into my rear left tire (area), clearly he wasn't aiming.
I would just like to say that I parked my car very close to the curb, everything was fine, I did nothing wrong and I was not in the car (thank goodness) but it is incredibly damaged and while I seem fine on the outside I'm pretty upset.

It went a little like this: BANG! SCREEEEEEECH! (CAR ALARM SOUND)
Me: SHIT! Then ran to my window to peak out of my screen, didn't know if I wanted the person involved to see me, kinda thought someone ran the car into the house. See gray car and my alarm going off. Great, I think, it hit me.
Me: (F--K!) Do a momentary chicken with head cut off run to front door to look out peep hole, see if I can see person from other car, maybe do a circle then realize I have to wake up the man of this house. SHIT! Knock on their door, open door, "O, I'm sorry to wake you, someone just rammed the shit out of my car, can you please come outside with me."
Him: Oh shit, yeah. he rushes around for warm clothes
Me: walk circles around front door, hear someone saying "you can't leave, you just hit a car, you can't leave."
O walks up, I open door and rush outside. See across the street neighbors, still hear someone talking to the drunk driver telling him he can't go anywhere. I have O called police, across street neighbors already did. I am quite scared of drunk, not sure if he is violent or not, especially toward owner of car he smashed.

(I would just like to say this picture does the damage no justice, the car door won't open, the nice white line looking thing is actually the plastic completely broken...it messed up the trunk spacing and that tire is bent completely the wrong way.)

Look at car, mini freak out, almost brings tears to my dry dry eyes. Mentally somewhat hysterical but I've been taught to pull it together.
Drunk guy says he's not trying to get away, walks back towards his car, I back toward the house not sure if he's seen me or not. He gets his phone from the car then starts meandering the other way while talking on the phone. Police show up (I've written down license plate, as well as description of his clothes just in case), they catch him (he wasn't going fast being BLASTED out of his mind) then finally an officer comes to talk to me about what is going on.
Hour and a half later of calling insurance office, cleaning out car, having car towed, talking to police, having officer use bathroom, etc etc I am here in bed typing. I want to cry but I can't for some reason. I can't afford this right now.

I would say that nothing like this has ever happened to me and technically it hasn't... but I do seem to have bad luck with cars. I never get in an accident and I've never gotten a ticket (except for parking once at Fullerton) so I don't have that kind of bad luck but this is definitely the third time (third car) I've seen a tow truck take away.

(enter many explatives here)

Some things I've been thinking about instead of going to sleep

2010-11-12T01:52:00.000-08:00

- I want to dye my hair crazy colors... aka not so crazy, still in the reds but definitely very similar to hayley williams style. Maybe a tad less bold, most natural like, darker red, bloooonde underneath and streaks of something fun? I miss dying my hair, real bad.

- In line with hair, I want to cut my bangs to be like this:

Yes this picture was used in the last post, forgive me for my reposting...

- I think I want my Shel Silverstein poem tattoo to be in a font like this:

I told you I was wildly inspired by this chick and the work the band creates...

-I want to make a quilt like this:

Luckily I can find the pattern here

I really should save this for another time but I needed to get some ideas down with pictures. Thanks for reading!!!

A constant inspiration

2010-11-12T01:24:00.000-08:00

Last month I did the 30 truths and it asked about heroes. I couldn't think of people that I considered to be heroes let alone ones that had let me down. Thinking now I have to say that I had very rudely forgot one of my biggest heroes ever, Hayley Williams. Good news: she hasn't let me down.

I'm going to list some of the reasons why this woman constantly inspires me:
1) She's human and she admits it

2) Her voice is incredible and I will forever be jealous of it (that's what you get on rock band II was my favorite and I'd sing but it was baaaad)

Paramore - Use Somebody (Kings Of Leon Cover) - Live Lounge - Celebrity bloopers here

3) She rocks out so hard (only a small example, oh yeah and on Conan!!!)

4) She transitions from one of the boys to a girly girl amazingly

5) She gracefully avoided a huge blow up with a nude picture leak (personal opinion, she's young and hot and has a boyfriend that she doesn't get to see too often because they are both touring ALL THE TIME, life happens, we're human...only one example of #1)

6) Great, great hair

7) I sometimes think we could look somewhat similar... but that's mostly pipe dreams

I swear I make that face... and that's my hair color almost.. haha

Basically, I think this lady is amazing and probably in writing this post will never be able to be friends. Can people be friends when one write about how amazing the other is on their blog before they know about each other? Creepy? I guess.

Point being: I watch Paramore videos when I'm in a bad mood and always feel at least a little bit better.

My favorite video:

quick post

2010-11-11T02:32:00.000-08:00

Dang it! I've lost a day on the NaBloMoPo! And I'm tired and must sleep! So here's a quick update... working furiously on my blanket and I'm really excited about the new pattern, I may have gotten it all figured out. we shall see.

Wednesday with the little boy went as usual for the most part. A lot of Mickey Mouse Club, Yo Gabba Gabba and Handy Manny watching. He might be screaming right now which I hope for his parents' sake is wrong but he did the same thing last night. Oh goodness. He was quite quick to cry/scream today which threw me off a bit. Not sure I'm anywhere CLOSE to Mommy-dom in the next ohhh century. Kind of a joke, kind of.

Other than that, life is trucking on as usual. Making some slow changes...
OH! I got two packs of the newest Impossible Project color film! Hopefully I have more luck with it than I have thus far with the first run of color film.

Sorry the post was so short and pictureless... I will make up for it soon!

Good day

2010-11-09T02:16:00.000-08:00

Today was the last day of babying myself and this cold. I did get a significant amount of crocheting done today so it wasn't all lazing around in bed. I also did some laundry, and went to Michael's, watched half of the 5th season of Desperate Housewives...AND watched the pilot and second episode of The Walking Dead. INCREDIBLE. Scary and such, but so good and addicting. The best part was I would get scared and I would crochet faster.

The picture does no justice to what I'm working on, the gray looks brown but soon enough I'll have a finished blanket I'll be able to share. I'm so very, very excited about these two blankets I'm making! Here's to trying something new!

This weekend...

2010-11-08T01:24:00.000-08:00

Goodness I was a bad, bad girl this weekend. I was sick and so I stayed inside and did some shopping. Bad news. I am learning a slightly expensive lesson from ebay this week which goes a little something like "don't bid on more than one of the same item unless you want to win them both." Best senario is you won't win either but my luck says I win both and that's just redundant.
So yes, I "won" 2 sx-70s. Both with the white frame, not even different styles. One has really (and I mean REALLY) beat up leather on the case and the other has some scratch marks.

I'm crossing my fingers that the first one is a fixer upper, and that there is a way to get the old, cracked, completely damaged leather off so I can put some new stuff on there. Without having it my hands however I'm not sure. It might be a fun restoration project. We shall see...

Lastly (as far as ebay goes) I won a different kind of polaroid, complete with flash, case and a pack of film. That was a STEAL for about $10.00 (plus crazy shipping).

As if that all wasn't enough (I am so sorry my sweet little bank account) I found more things that I apparently just couldn't live without while I was searching for inspiration for an art project I've had in mind for a while.
Here is the next purchase: a coin purse I could not say no to. I have a weakness for Virgin Mary (especially La Virgen de Guadalupe) things.

I'm in love with how awesome and perfect it is. Anyone who knows me really well knows I have an obsession/weakness for small coin/makeup bags. I use them as wallets or hold my small stuff in them so it doesn't get tossed around in my purse. I'm so excited about this one! It's perfect.

Believe it or not that was all Saturday goodness. Didn't go to work, instead shopped from home. Backwards! Backwards I tell you!

So today I TRIED to mellow out a bit and was for the most part successful. I've started a new crocheting project inspired by a pretty blanket in the Red Velvet window display.

always inspired by elsie and the red velvet crew

My pattern is totally different but I've been wanting to do a granny square blanket that is a collection of several little ones instead of just making the blanket one big granny square AND I wanted a black border. It's going to be cute, cute, cute, I'm excited for it to come along.

Other interesting things from the weekend:
- my grands (g-ma mostly) have a slight problem with keeping everything but I decided to see if this would work to my (and my camera collection's) advantage and so I asked g-ma if she happened to have any old cameras... dear readers I'm not going to go into detail but it seems like they are sitting on a treasure box full of wonderful things. I hope one day they will let me play with them!
- my G-pa's 81st birthday was today. We went out to their favorite restaurant to gorge ourselves while children at the table over made it hard for the g-parents to hear anything the rest of us said. I gave dear g-pa a card talking about one of my favorite memories with him (there are several, but this one I hadn't mentioned before) this one being of us playing cards (a good game of gin/gin rummy not sure which but it was fun) together. He smiled really big when he read the message so I think I succeeded.
- Next Sunday is Dad's birthday, he's not too stoked but it is what it is. Cmom (stepmom, her name starts with C... it's a new thing I'm doing) says no presents just heartfelt messages of how he's enriched my life. Can do I say.

Welp, that's it for now. My throat is still being a menace and I doubt I'm going to be able to go to work tomorrow. At least I have an excuse this time.

xoxo

side note

2010-11-07T01:08:00.000-07:00

***totally into NaBloPoMo obviously. Going to stay strong all month by trying new things and sharing inspiration.

****totally not into NaNoWriMo at all. I am throwing in the towel on that one the first week. We can't do it all right?

Just kidding, not quite sleep time yet

2010-11-07T01:04:00.000-07:00

So I am finding out here that there might be a bit of an expensive learning curve about to happen with ebay. I thought you could retract bids, so I bid on several sx-70 cameras... if I get all of them, like I said might happen then I'm to be broke. Sigh. Should have thought that one through. Maybe I'll get REALLY lucky and win the bids that I want but not two of the same thing. (Here's to crossing fingers and holding breath for the next 7 hours...)
To keep you occupied with happier thoughts however I wanted to share the other polaroid albums I came across and fell in LOVE LOVE LOVE with.

found here

My favorites are the indie pink:

And the mint:

How adorable are those things! And then I found another kind that had a different shape... it looks like this:

found here

The picture itself just melts my heart and loosens my already weak grip on my money...

Never mind that they are basically prettified (didn't actually think that was a word but it is) business card holders but STILL! I WANT!

Sigh, I need to get back in the career game. I also need to get into the world of photography more seriously. Obviously this is my geek out thing and I want to be doing it all the time. I want to learn as much as possible and continue to create gorgeous images.

I should live in a box and not know about ebay

2010-11-07T00:23:00.000-07:00

I knew it, I knew it looong ago. I knew that I should never, EVER, get close to ebay. EVER! But against my better judgment, years and years later in a sore throated splendor I decided to start my ebay game. I want cameras, lots and lots of cameras. So many people are selling vintage cameras and it's just killing me. I want to bid on just about every one. But if I do that I'm going to forget and win more than one of the same thing and then be out of money. Not a good idea.
What I have bid on today:

Many of these... I really want a white one but we shall see. I have a SX-70 already but it is the plastic kind and I want more of the original. I want to see the difference.

I also bid on a couple of these:

I am really interested in TtV (through the viewfinder) photography. I've already dabbled in the idea by putting my point and shoot up to my polaroid viewfinder. Fun stuff but it would be even more fun with a twin lens reflex.

The problem is I just don't know how much I'm really willing to spend on these things. It's not that I don't want them super bad, it's more that I'm hoping that I might find them at a thrift store for cheap because the people selling them don't know how much money they can get. I don't want to swindle anyone at all, I just don't have a lot of money and an awesome thrift find is an awesome thrift find.

Last but not least while perusing the SX-70 listings I happened upon some polaroid photo albums. I bought one. It looks a little like this:

I am such a sucker for hot air balloons on things. I'm really excited for it to come in the mail! I LOVE getting packages in the mail, even when I know what I bought.

To end this post about my need for more things camera like I just wanted to say that I've been trying to shoot some decent pictures with my sx-70 but I am having a really hard time with the new color film from The Impossible Project. I can't get any good lighting for the pictures and there are white spots all over the images. I know there were warning that came with this first run but then I saw samples of what others had done with their film and they looked really good. I've worked with the light dial and taking pictures at different times and I even pulled out the flash bar but all to no avail. My pictures stay in mostly shades of blue and fade within a week. That's probably why I started my feverish (not literally though I do have a cold) search for a new sx-70. I want to see if the metal and leather model takes different pictures than my plastic one.

Alright, I'm now going to rest my horribly sore throat and tired mind. Cross your fingers that I win something for relatively cheap on ebay. I tried to search out the listings with the least amount of bidders and less than a day left on time.

Do something that scares you everyday

2010-11-06T00:31:00.000-07:00

I want, I want, I want!

I decided to make today (Friday) a day all for me. I started it with my first EVER class of yoga at this awesome little place down the street called Yoga Center. I've been meaning to try yoga for a long time now because I want to a) find a method of exercise that doesn't make me bored and b) regain flexibility that I had in junior high. Yoga seemed to be a good idea.

Let me just tell you, it was! The center was awesome. Very spiritual which is not what I was looking for at all but the instructor was helpful and very calming. The class lasted an hour and a half and I'm not sure how I made it through in all honesty. It wasn't bikram yoga, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't last in that one considering high heat makes me pass out when I'm just sitting still, but it was very pleasurable and I'm SO glad I went.

To continue my day of awesomeness I went home, took a nice shower then quickly got ready to leave the house again so I wouldn't be tempted to take a nap. I was still tempted but I overcame it and got my little bum out of the house.

I then went to a little (not so little) thrift store my lovely friend/roommate (owner of the house I'm living in) told me about. I found, once again, that I am just not a solo thrifter. I know books really well but other than that I get a little lost in the craze. I did find two interesting looking hardcovers however and after strolling a little more left the store. A fancy little dish set did catch my eye and I'm kind of regretting not getting it... I might just go back tomorrow to see if it's all there.

After my thrift extravaganza (more of a short foray) I went to Verizon to return a memory card I had for my previous, quirky, always going glitchy after an update phone. By this time I was really very hungry because I had left my bed with maybe 30 minutes to spare before yoga class time and so had only shoveled a couple of bites of vanilla yogurt mixed with rice crispies down my throat. I decided to venture up to UTC to return a pair of jeggings to Nordies and get some delicious Boudin's soup and salad. I thought this was going to be a fairly easy endeavor but was mistaken. The half yearly sale was going on at Nordstrom's AND it was pretty warm so everybody decided shopping and eating at boudin's would be the best idea. Awesome.

I got my food, which, by the way was soup and salad on a hot day with no inside seats and had to find a table in the shade up by the nordstrom's entrance which is a bit of walk from the actual restaurant. Once I sat down I felt a little better but that only last a second considering the soup was no better than Campbell's tomato soup. Severely disappointing considering the Boudin's in San Marcos make it SO much better. To make up for it I decided to text a friend in North County because I was already half way there anyway. He mentioned him and other mutual friends' plans to surf and I said I would meet up with them at the beach at some point.

I left UTC (after returning the pants), drove up to La Costa, stopped by the Friends of the Library book store, found some books, found some books for a girl and her mom also in the little shop and then headed back down to Encinitas. While driving toward Encinitas I decided it was a perfect day to take pictures of this broken down, fenced off school off of E street. I've been wanting to get some pictures forever but never really knew how to maneuver it. I only got shots of the obvious, easy to access parts considering it was a work day but it was fun and exciting. I then also took pictures of a broken down apartment building right behind the school. Equally awesome and fun.

Finally I made my way to the beach and read half of one of my new books while "watching" my friends surf. I must say, the book is kind of what I've been looking for. I didn't get bored at all and got involved in the story line. Thank goodness!

After growning restless with the sand fleas I started packing my stuff up (the sun was almost fully gone by then) and this little boy that I had seen off a few yards from me came over and decided we needed to play. He was 2 and adorable and made me realize that they ARE still cute even after the first year. I thanked (kind of) the universe for that information. He showed me the tunnel him and his father had made while I was reading and he put his small toy monster truck through the tunnel several times. After he realized the truck would crash a lot he would purposely throw the truck down the tunnel hole and say "uh oh! it crashed!" and then take my hand and lead me to which ever side of the tunnel I wasn't on. Mind you, this tunnel was maybe a foot long... but he insisted.

Quickly after his father cleaned up the toys and made the boy leave my boys (a lot older in age) got out of the water and we headed up this huge amount of stairs that literally kill my thighs EVERY TIME. As if my body didn't ache enough.

The last stop of the night before coming home was to a goodbye party for a wonderful lady (girl/woman) that I met just last week. She's friends with the boys surfing and we'd been at the same party the week before laughing and having a good ol' time so I was invited to say goodbye too. She's going back to Fiji to finish her time with the PeaceCorps. Yeah, she's rad. So I met some new people and chilled with everyone else, met the family (or at least mom) and told the awesome story of how I knew her daughter. "Oh yeah, just met her a week ago..."

Now I'm home. I had some good chats with the roommates/houseowners/my friends and now I'm putting myself to sleep. I'm pretty sure I want to hit up yoga again tomorrow morning but if this sore throat gets worse I may just sleep til who knows when.

Goodnight!

Killing the Blues

2010-11-05T00:25:00.000-07:00

I love this movie!

My movies to watch on bad days:
-The Notebook
-The Go-Getter
-The Royal Tenenbaums
-Jennifer's Body

I watch these when I've been feeling really uninspired, lonely, frustrated or sad. (I also watch these movies on good days but it's rare.)
Tonight I watched The Go-Getter, I wanted the feel of Portland and simplicity. I wanted Zooey Deschanel sipping soda from a straw and dipping fries in ketchup (my all time favorite scene from the movie, can't explain why but it pops in my head probably at least once every two weeks even when I haven't watched the movie). To say I watched it is a bit of an exaggeration however. I watched my favorite parts. The parts I found the most inspiring and comforting. I didn't watch the parts that mildly distress me, I just wasn't in the mood.
I do this often with certain movies. The Notebook for instance... I don't watch the very end anymore. Mostly because when I want to watch it I'm desperate for a happy love story and don't want to cry. So I watch the parts of when they were young. There's so much I find inspiring about Rachel McAdams character in that movie, I'm just enchanted by her completely. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't in LOVE with young Noah. So handsome and endearing how he goes after her. One day I want someone to love me as much as he loved her. I know it's a movie but a girl can still dream.

Two movies that will be added to the list when they come out:
-Going the Distance
-Easy A

Funny, awesome love(ish) stories. Can't wait. Seriously.

Last but not least, TV shows I watch when I'm feeling a bit blue:
- The OC Season 1
- Gilmore Girls (any season but the older Rory gets the more I like it, more easy to relate to maybe?)
- Desperate Housewives

What are your movies you watch when you're feeling uninspired or in need of a pick me up? Do you only watch certain parts of movies too?

Oh I like this better! NaBloPoMo

2010-11-04T01:12:00.000-07:00

So it's only three (well 4 technically) days into NaNoWriMo and already I'm having doubts. Such is normal for someone like me. I guess this would be a good chance to prove myself wrong huh. What if it was an actual assignment? What would I do then? Probably everything I had to do to get a B. I don't apply too much stress to myself anymore. I was a crazy perfectionist for so long and I was so mean to myself. I'm not saying letting myself completely off the hook is the answer either but I have yet to find a happy medium.

Point is, I just found NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) via one of my all time favorite blogs Hula Seventy and decided that while I can't win prizes because it is already the 4th and I didn't post something the 1st and the 2nd I would still go for it until the end of the month! So I guess I'm going to be taking both NaNoWriMo and NaBloPoMo on. Adding more instead of taking away work. But in doing both I'll be giving myself a tad bit of slack on the 50,000 word count. I have a story to write and believe me I have a LOT of material considering it would be a fictionalized account of my life but life's already super hectic. I'm looking to finish out this week with at least 10,000 words though. I only have 8,500 more to go!

Thursday, November 4, 2010
Would you rather be wealthy and ugly, wise and sickly, or beautiful and stupid?
None of those sound like a good time. I guess if I had a great personality and was wealthy and ugly I could always get some plastic surgery done. Beautiful and stupid unfortunately would get me a lot farther than wise and sickly. But no matter what I would want to be happy. If beautiful and stupid meant happy then I guess that's how it goes. If I could be happy while being ugly then maybe I'd take that. I'm not any of those choices though and just thinking about my answer to that question makes me so happy that it's hypothetical.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Describe the plot of the next book you want to read, even if the book doesn't exist yet.
I want something easy to read but not necessarily light. I just want to really get into something from the first page.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Tell us the story of a piece of jewelry you own. Where did it come from, and what does it mean to you?
I don't put a lot of meaning to most jewelry. I do have my mom's wedding ring from here marriage to my dad which is about as sentimental as I get. I don't wear it because I'm afraid to but I really do appreciate that my mom gave it to me.

Monday, November 1, 2010
How would your life change if you didn't have rent or a mortgage to pay, i.e., if your housing was free?
My rent is free for the next three months so I don't think my life would change all that much. Now, if three months from now I could move somewhere else where my rent would be free then I would say that I would worry a lot less about a career and spend a lot more time having fun with photography and such.

Wednesday with Sebastian

2010-11-04T00:02:00.000-07:00

Meet the lil man I babysit on Wednesdays! Isn't he just the cutest? I sure think so. I mean, obviously considering I even thought about agreeing to babysit the little munchkin. It's no secret among friends and family that I am not a big baby/kid person. I was awkward with my three younger siblings, refusing to help with diapers or babysitting. Something about Sebs broke down that wall in my heart though and so here I am, the girl that swore she'd NEVER have a baby, having a weekly playdate with a child that is not yet one.

He's a blast. He makes the best expressions and is just a little sweetheart.

Last week was my first time babysitting EVER. I was a tad nervous, I'm not going to lie. I kept having to remind myself that I was around for three babies, two of which I saw every part of care and keeping even if I refused to get my hands dirty. (Eww baby germs) Luckily last Wednesday went without a hitch. I took naps when he did which was Awesome! We watched tons of Yo Gabba Gabba and Mickey Mouse Playhouse. We laughed and made faces and just all around had a good time.

Today was mostly the same, there were less episodes of Yo Gabba Gabba but more of Mickey Mouse Playhouse and Handy Manny. I even snuck in this week's episode of Gossip Girl and the first half of an SNL from two weeks ago!

This week I felt a little more lost on what to do during the awake times. We drank baba's, ate some food, threw some toys around, crawled around the living room, went into his room and played in the mini ball pit but I felt like maybe I should come up with some activities or turn off the tv. Honestly it's not like he was paying attention to the tv half of the time. Unless the Hot Dog song came on Mickey Mouse club... but what activities are there for a boy just about to be one? I've seriously never babysat before this. Am I doing things right? I need to pay more attention to what the parents do on the weekend. (I live with them.)

If you have any suggestions please let me know! I think next week we're going to take some pictures of him with my new diana mini but I don't know what else.

Well, my NaNoWriMo procrastination station has been successful and now I'm sleepy. Surprising considering I had two naps today.

Oh November

2010-11-02T02:43:00.000-07:00

This is the new project. Not something I can really go into detail about here but it's going to be fun and stressful for sure. It's going to keep me writing though. That's a plus for sure.

So here's to a little over 1,000 words on the first day. Only 49,000 more to go!

Starting the new month by finishing up the last one

2010-11-02T01:31:00.000-07:00

a source is a source

So I finished the 30 day of truths on the first day of the new month. Probably not exactly how it was suppose to go but it's definitely a me move. Now I need to figure out what to do for this month. Something fun for sure! Wednesdays are now going to be dedicated to a little munchkin I have the ultimate pleasure of babysitting one day a week so look forward to that... until my next project comes to mind here are the last of my 30 truths.

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

That is quite a loaded question isn't it. The answer to that is the deciding factor for psychs to call the even higher professionals. Dangerous, dangerous questions. It's a shame it is such a loaded question. I honestly feel like every person has questioned the point of the day to day and year to year at least once in their life. It may have been because a boyfriend/girlfriend dumped them or it may be because they were fired and evicted on the same day with no where to go and no one to talk to. Everybody hits a low. We don't all hit the same depth of low but we all hit our lows and existence has to be questioned.

Yes I've thought about giving up. I thought about giving up in a way that left me in a floating calm middle. As I would ride the bus on the bridge over the river into downtown I would wonder what it would be like to jump. I always imagined a moment of peace when submerged in water (after the first shock of slamming into the surface wore off). I always knew however, that the sense of calm I imaged would never happen. The water would never be the perfect temperature, it would never hold the comfort I imagined floating in the middle would. There would be gross things bumping into me, it would be icy cold and so uncomfortable I would know without a doubt I was still alive.

Why did I think about this every day for at least a month? Because I was tired of hearing myself think. I was tired of being on edge, I was tired and fed up with not being able to understand my frequent breakdowns or intense need to be out of my own skin.

It was a time when I was hurting myself a bit because it was a momentary relief and the raised skin was a reminder. I didn't cut myself, never drew blood, never left marks, bumps or bruises that would become permanent but I did use my own nails to scratch red trails down my arms so I could feel something. It sounds so cliche but I don't know how else to write it. I just felt an intense pressure to do something but I didn't know what that something was.

Thus far, that was the darkest place I've been mentally. In retrospect and in comparison to others in the world it seems minimal, trivial really. I'm so glad my psych and others didn't treat it as such though. I needed attention that I'd been trying to hide from for so long.

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?

My living situation. I live with the most awesome married couple (both my friends from my previous job) and their baby. I'm in love with this baby which doesn't ever happen to me. I ohh and ahhh like others when babies come around but this is the only one I've wanted to stay with me when mommy comes by to take him away. I get to babysit that bundle of awesomeness once a week and then I chill with him whenever I want for the rest of the week (keeping in mind his sleeping schedules and such). I never thought I'd live in this part of SD but I really do love it. I just found the grocery store tonight. Good times.

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

I had to end a friendship over reactions to answers to this question. She had one strong opinion that I respected but didn't agree with and she wouldn't let it go.

Honestly I can't say what I would do. I'm taking precautions to keep that from happening but if accidents happened and s hit the fan I don't know what I would do. It would depend A LOT on who I was with and if it was serious and how I felt about them being a dad and how they felt about being a dad etc. Knee jerk reaction is that I'd say goodbye real fast to the collection of cells that decided to stick when I wasn't ready but life is circumstantial.

***Whether you agree or not with my answer I hope, hope, hope you see that I'm trying to be respectful and honest of other people's opinions and life situations. This month called for truths and so here I am, broaching a subject I normally wouldn't on my blog.***

Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

I want to become better about making decisions. I want to also become better at not second guessing myself. If I don't second guess then I will be better at making more decisions.

Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Dear Me,

I'm so tired right now but today has been a good day, and good days are when it's easier for me to tell you what I love about us. I love our hair, our eyes, our ability to make so many expressions that people find uncommon and easy to remember. I love our courage when we have it, our compassion, our ability to guess what comes next for friends and family. I love that we don't believe in living the normal. I love our ability to make friends and keep them. I love our random attention to detail and our ability to take naps just about any time.

I love our memory for silly details and our ability to absorb information fast fast fast. I figure there is a lot more I love about us, but I'm sleepy and inspired by another project.

So for now, dear me... I love you and goodnight.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

I'm in LOVE

2010-10-28T23:25:00.000-07:00

New Absolute Favorite Show... Secret Diary of a Call Girl.
Awesomely wicked and so british and her bedroom is GOOORGEOUS.
Don't believe me? Take a look as pixelated picture:

lucky ladies, I want to see the set, and sneak it all home with my under my shirt!

I know it's not the best quality but you can see there are curtains framing her wonderful, lush, gem tone bed. I'm in love. Not just with the set, but with Hannah and the show as a whole.

Accent + pretty woman + cute set + taboo topic = I'm a sucker

And now it's time for sweet pretty dreams.

quick update

2010-10-26T00:05:00.000-07:00

so clever

I didn't move to Portland, I decided instead to move in with some friends of mine in Chula Vista instead. (*Some) Snobs from up north are asking me what's in "Chula Juana" (because of the very close proximity to TJ or Tijuana. My answer: amazing friends that offered me their guest room for a span of time (3 months) in exchange for one babysitting day a week.
Can I just say 1) awesome deal 2) their baby is the cutest lil' man EVER! I'm in hearts with him and I never go this gaga over a baby. So just in case you were wondering what's going on with that aspect of my life, there it is. I am not in Portland as I had first thought, I am instead exploring a new section of this huge county of San Diego. Adventures galore for sure!
I started my move Saturday mid morning by loading up my car with the first batch of stuff. Let me just tell you, there was no way I was going to be able to get all of my stuff in my car to move to Portland. Good to know now!
Arrived at new house, Mrs. C was putting a new knob on the door, one with a super special lock. In doing this she locked me in my own room. Hilarious. That was just the beginning. I've been here a few days now and I love, love, love it. I don't doubt my decision one bit.

I'll share more real soon but for now I'm super sleepy.

Much love to you and a lot of zzzzzzzz's for me.

oh yes, ps I bought my lil Diana Mini and now just need to get some film. I also need to get a LOT more film for my Instax Mini and THEN, THEN my next camera mission is the leather SX-70.

Almost at the end of the month of truths

2010-10-25T20:11:00.000-07:00

weheartit

Day 20: My views on drugs and alcohol...
Oh my goodness, such a good thing I didn't answer this while straight edge. I still don't like the idea of drugs and alcohol for myself but I'm definitely not as intense about it. I drink every once in a while. I'll sip on some champagne or a beer (that's very rare) and even more rarely I'll get a vodka drink. I always drive when I go out so I don't really get drinks at bars. Let's be real, I don't really go to bars often at all. Basically my views are: do as you wish I'm just not going to participate much at all, and if it's drugs not at all.

Day 21: My best friend gets in an accident and we got in a fight before it happened...
I would cry. A lot. I would cry and hope that she made it through. There's no specification of how bad the crash or injuries are but I'm assuming that this question is hinting that the outcome is pretty bleak. I would apologize profusely or if it was something I got mad at her about I would say it didn't matter then.

Day 22: Something I wish I hadn't done in my life...
I don't like to go back and regret things. If find it pretty useless. When people regret they often like to forget about what happened and then they end up repeating the actions or doing similar actions in the future. I just stopped myself from repeating a common mistake I make. The good thing is I'm learning from everything that I've done.

Day 23: Something I wish I had done in my life...
Taken more art classes in high school and college. Also, I wish I had gone on my year trip to Spain. Thinking about it thoroughly I can see that I probably would have gone through my anxiety and depression there that happened in Portland but when I pretend that none of that would have happened I wish I had gone. But like I said before, you learn from everything you do and don't do, so here's to the future.

Day 24:
Dear future husband,

This will be our song.
Such Great Heights - The Postal Service

Love,
Your Future Wife

Day 25: The reason I believe I am still alive today.
I find this one to be a little strange. I don't think I've been in any life threatening situations so I believe I am still alive today because I am waaaay too cautious and I have great parents.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

I want this so bad it hurts

2010-10-19T23:16:00.000-07:00

Is there anything more perfect?

I've lost sight of my photo passion recently. Not because I don't like it or because I'm feeling self conscious but because I've been really, really busy in the middle of days. True to my form though I bust out pictures on my instant cameras here and there. I just need another shopping justification but in the last two days I have already spent way too much money and I have bills to pay coming up. Isn't that always the case. I can't wait until I get my little paws on this gorgeous thing though. Soon. Soon Miss C will have her camera and life again will be complete. Well, until I have another shopping time where I can afford to get an Holga 120.

Until then I'll just dream.

Oh goodness I got behind!

2010-10-19T22:31:00.000-07:00

Day 19

Day 13- A band or artist that got me through tough days...
This is so hard. Honestly I listen to so much music that there isn't one band that has gotten me through hard times. So I'll write a letter to all.

Dear bands dear to my heart,
I love love love you. Like you've heard from gushing fans who run into you at inopportune times I love your work and you've made a huge impact on my life. Seriously. I appreciate that you are just humans however and most likely unless we have friends in common I'm going to leave you alone and just watch from the venue floor and leave and think of how wonderful a performance the show was. If you purposely make yourself accessible to say hi then I might depending on if I'm feeling super shy that day or not.
In closing, I love love love your work.
I've probably thought about sleeping with you because you're magical. Truth is I probably won't because sleeping with or even dating touring band guys (or girls) is a lot of heart ache waiting to happen. So I'll just play pretend.
I'm done being creepy.
Love,
C

Day 14-A hero that has let me down
Oh man, I KNOW I have one of these. A person I became so disappointed in when they fell from grace. I can't remember any at the moment which is quite unfortunate.

Dear possible heros,
I understand that you are human and that sometimes even you make mistakes. Most are forgivable. If you're sleeping with someone under 18 and you are over 20 I'm not excusing it. If you molest or rape I cannot mentally forgive or forget. If you end up in rehab or get caught with your panties off I'll get over it. We all have fashion mishaps, we all get bad haircuts and we all say things we don't always mean.
So heroes, please keep doing great things to make me look up to you and I'll try to keep you off a pedestal made of unreasonable expectations.
Love,
C

Day 15- Something (or someone) I couldn't live without
Let's be realistic here, there are very few things that we need to physically survive. Water, food and enough mobility to find shelter or make it in some way. I would say that a hard thing for me to live without if I had to would be showers. Or blankets. BLANKETS! I can't sleep without being somewhat covered. Summer is hard on me most of the time because it's hot and I have to sleep in shorts and a light shirt at the least AND have a semi heavy blanket on me, a sheet doesn't cut it. I know it seems a little strange but a blanket is something I would have a VERY hard time functioning without.

Day 16- Something/someone I COULD live without
There are so many things or someones that I could live without. I could live without people who have a diva attitude, who automatically think they are better than me because of how long they have been somewhere or their position in something. I am usually pretty easy to get along with but when I see the possibility of a diva attitude I instantly get a bit colder. I don't play nice with people like that.

Day 17 - A book I've read that changed my views on something:
Ishmael. 100% this book is one I reread every couple of years. It made me continue questioning the idea of faith and Christianity. It made me think more about why I ate meat (when I did) and it just made me think about the world and how it functions on a totally different level. I love this book SO MUCH! I think some people have a hard time with the talking gorilla aspect of it but I don't because since I've been little I've always had an overactive imagination, one that has a hard time labeling just about anything as impossible. The book doesn't say anything about becoming a vegetarian, it was just the piece of sand that turned into that pearl for me.

Day 18- My views on gay marriage
All for it and then some! I don't like shotgun weddings for any couple and I really don't like how high the divorce rate is but if two people (man/man, woman/woman, woman/man) love each other and want to celebrate their love in a way that the straights have been doing for centuries then GO FOR IT! Who am I to say someone can't? No I don't think it ruins the idea of marriage. You know what does ruin the idea of marriage? I'll tell you... people getting married after knowing each other for a few months and then getting divorced a year later because it just wasn't what they thought it was going to be. Celebrities that jump from one person to another. People that get divorced instead of really trying to make a marriage and a promise work. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against divorce completely. The option definitely needs to be there to keep people safe. Sometimes people really do change directions in what they want and being together just doesn't make sense anymore. Sometimes a dad and a mom are definitely better off in separate houses for the kids' sake. But there are a lot of divorces that happen because people think love and marriage is suppose to be easy and come naturally. Making a relationship work is not easy, even if it's really strong. So yes, let people marry!

Day 19 - What do I think of religion? What do I think of politics?
Mind controlling bullshit is what I think it's come to be mostly. Yes I think there are positive aspects of religion and yes I think some people are living it right but for the most part it's causing a lot of problems and has ALWAYS ended in masses dead. When is everyone going to realize that there are some very basic principles in most if not all religions? Aren't we suppose to let the "creator" judge? Why are we doing suicide bombings or stoning people to death or ostracizing people for who they love? Why? Is that putting sunshine and roses in anybody's life or heart? No. You know what does? Compassion and love and helpful deeds.
And then there is politics. I want to spit on the idea of modern day politics and how our country is being run to the ground by people that are SO STUCK in the common way of doing things and so scared of letting go of the title of "World Power" that they dig the ditch deeper. I thought we were suppose to be a smart country, I thought we were suppose to have a lot of different ideas that didn't bend to bribes. I thought politicians were suppose to be held liable for what they say they are going to do? What happened to that? Instead they decide the main issues for every voting time and we forget about other issues that may very well be more important. Liberal, Conservative, Communist, Socialist, Fascist...the lines are SO blurred and people keep calling whatever they don't consider themselves to be monsters. Honestly it doesn't seem like any group has gotten it perfect yet now have they?

And so ends another episode of 30 days of truths. Do come back again!

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

so hot when she burns her tongue

2010-10-17T23:25:00.000-07:00

Just watched Jennifer's Body for the second time. I love love love it. So hilarious, creepy but not scary. True to Diablo Cody form there are a bunch of strange but funny one liners. My favorites are "I'll play hello titty with the bar tender..." (on how Jennifer's going to get drinks from the bartender) and "you're jello, you're lime green jello and you can't even admit it to yourself" (on Needy's boyfriend being jealous). Definitely more a funny movie than a scary one but I love it just the same. Adam Brody plays a screwed up musician... Megan Fox plays the hot demonic chick and my all time favorite Amanda Seyfried plays Needy, the best friend. I watched this movie a while back, before I saw Chloe and didn't quite appreciate Amanda's acting talent. Seriously, she goes from J's Body to Chloe to Mama Mia to Dear John and plays all parts (or I assume all parts, I've never seen Mama Mia) really well. Blows my mind.

In other news I've been really irregular in posting lately and all I can say is getting ready to move is getting the best of my time and concentration. And now sleep is my number one. This week I WILL find time to work on more of the 30 truths as well as write a post on this crazy weekend I just had. It was filled with awesome to the brim.

Good night moon.

Day 12 of truths

2010-10-12T23:12:00.000-07:00

My piggy banks never lasted long

Day 12: Something I never get complimented on...

How good I am with money. I'm admittedly not good with money at all which would definitely be why my skills don't get complimented. Other than that I'm a pretty lucky girl. I have been complimented on so many positive things that I can't think of a characteristic that I think I have that someone hasn't complimented me on. I need to remember that for the bad days when I think I'm not good at anything.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

You've Got Mail!

2010-10-11T22:51:00.000-07:00

Looks like I am caught up for my 30 truths until tomorrow. Yesterday was so productive and I'm feeling the effects today, like bricks. I don't know why I get so mentally and physically tired sometimes but when I do I get so worried. Nevertheless I was proud of myself for all of the things I got checked off my list tomorrow for the move and everything.

I'm going to go back to last week for a tad though because I definitely neglected you a bit. The highlight of my week last week (or one of them) was putting together a little care package for my sister. I'm thisclose to being finished with her blanket, I just had to get some more yarn (one of the tasks checked off my list yesterday) but I figured I would send her a book and some other stuff in the mean time. She's coming home right after I move so I'm going to miss her by a bit but she'll have a nice package on her bed and a soft blanket to cuddle. :) Back to last week's package though...

Step one, open box.

Step Two: look at contents... oooh some polaroids, a small elephant and a book...

Step three: OH! but there's more, there are pictures and a note! Enjoy!

I was quite happy with the end result. There was an additional picture of the two of us together added in toward the end of putting together the box. I hope she likes it and smiles when she gets everything. :)

Now it's time to put myself to bed. I'm listening to City and Colour (amazing) and it is lulling me even farther into zzzzz zone. I hope my room cools down soon here. I'm a tad warmer than I want to be for sleep.

ps the blog is freaking out right now with font and underlining and bold and size and everything. I don't have the mental strength tonight to figure it all out so I apologize if things seem a tad crazy.

yay 4 more on the 30 truths!

2010-10-11T01:30:00.000-07:00

Another post about the trails and tribulations of being a redhead

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

That would have to be my math teacher in seventh grade. She started the year off showing her disdain for me when calling roll on the first day. "Oh, so YOU'RE C, well Mrs. P just thinks the WOOOORLD of you." Don't be mistaken, she wasn't saying it very nice. I was confused considering I had NEVER at that point, met a teacher that didn't like me. But there I was, in the middle of the most awkward stage of my life, soaking up as many insecurities as possible in front of all the boys I thought were cute and she just added one more. Great.

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

T. T was a boy (not quite 18 when I was 19 I think) that I dated for a short while. He was the first boy I really made out with. He was my first lust and genuine heartbreak. Serious, serious heartbreak. I didn't pick up on the warning signs our first night meeting, I was too busy just being happy that a boy I was interested in was showing interest back. Don't worry, he wasn't an abuser, at least not to me. He was however an abuser to himself. I guess when he was younger, way before I met him he had been a bit chunky and so up to the time that I met him he had starved himself basically. Sometimes he ate but there was definitely an eating disorder in the works among other illnesses. T was depressed and I thought I could help by talking to him and showing him I adored him. I really, really adored him. One night I get a text saying he's bleeding and dizzy and doesn't know what's going on. I keep texting but get nothing back. It was late and I was out with friends and T lived over an hour away. I felt powerless. The next day I still heard nothing, I tried to call, I text some more... nothing. That night I cried because I knew something was horribly wrong and I just remember begging anything out there that he was alive because part of me felt like he wasn't. The next morning FINALLY I got a text saying solely "I messed up. I'm sorry." I called, no answer. He text saying his mom wouldn't talk yet but he was in the hospital. Eventually the story came out. He went to a party that night of the horrible text, he had a fifth of vodka and a generous handful of somas... he took his pocket knife that his stepdad had given him and somehow cut himself pretty good. His mom found him the next morning on a whim, she never use to check on him before leaving for work but for some reason she did that day. She found him barely breathing and when the doctors got a look at him they had said if it had waited much longer, minutes not hours, he would have been gone. I cried, and cried, and cried. We said I love you back and forth, me with as much conviction as possible because I wanted him to feel it when I said it, I wanted him to know that someone was there for him.

Things after that got worse and worse. Luckily not for his life, but for our relationship. I stopped hearing from him after a while and I guess he got a girlfriend that didn't work out. I would try to reach out every once in a while to show him I wasn't ever going to give up on him but I'm not sure that mattered. It still stings a bit to think about. The last I talked to him things were going well and I guess in the end that's all I could really ask for. I wish I still had a way to talk to him but I don't and I guess I should let that episode in my life be done.

Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

It is amazing. As of right now there is no one that comes to mind. At present I am at peace with all of my relationships... or at least as much as I can be. I know of people who I use to feel I needed to let go of but I've dealt with each situation mentally and I'm fine. This may be because I haven't met any new lovers in a while so there's nothing complicated but who knows. Maybe not. Maybe I'm just learning to sort things out as best as I can without regretting things that happen. One can only hope.

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on. Oh goodness... the appropriate one would be my hair. Redheads are use to compliments and other commentary about their hair. It's something natural ones have dealt with since birth and others have dealt with since first dye. Having red hair is a statement, like it or not. I, personally, love it. But I've known nothing different. The inappropriate one that I get compliments on quite frequently is my behind. And the compliments come from both males and females.

Three more!

2010-10-07T23:17:00.000-07:00

Day 05: Something I hope to do in my life.
Goodness, I have a whole list that is never frickin ending of things I want to do in my life. It's pretty lucky that I do too because it keeps me slightly sane on the bad days where I wonder what the point is. I still have no answer for the point which is tough in itself BUT I am a bit selfish (which my mom thought was a bad thing, little does she know it's what keeps me alive) and I still want to do and see some things before it's all over. I want to swim with sharks, I want to swim with dolphins, I want to be completely adored by someone I adore and get married, I want to go up in a hot air balloon and become as flexible as I was in high school... I want to read soooo many more books, I want to do some pin up modeling, I want to go back to Argentina and live there for a while, I want to live in the south and gosh I could go on but I think that's good. :)

Day 06: Something I hope I never have to do.
I hope I will never have to go to jail. There are a lot of other things that I hope I will never have to do but that was the third one that came to mind and the only one I felt like putting down. I also hope I never have to be the bearer of bad news like the death of a family member. I cry watching just about any tv show or movie where someone has to give the news. Tears me up!

Day 07: Someone who has made my life worth living for.
That's easy. My sister T.Q. is a person that has indeed made my life worth living for. She annoyed me sooo much when we were little and she'd mess up my Barbies because even back then I was a tad ocd about things being in the right place but we've come a long way since then. Things started getting exceptionally better one day as we were driving around in my semi new car and New Found Glory was playing and Ms. T decided to start playing air drums like a maniac. We laughed like loons and things got better and better after that. She's off and on irritated at me at the present moments because I'm trying to get her to stop being sad about being away from family but I hope she knows deep down that it's because I want her to have fun, I want her to realize sooner than I did how wonderful and exciting and fun she is. I want her to realize that the things she finds weird about herself make other people gravitate toward her. She's gorgeous and she's made such a remarkable impact on my life. She can be a little brat sometimes and boy is she spoiled but I forgive her all of that so fast when she's around because I just want to be a good part of her life. I just hope so deeply that I've made a positive impact in her life and that I am half as important to her as she is to me.

As we can see now these are going to be pretty sappy so ummm deal. :)

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself