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Twitter: @DitaVonTeese

Sometimes I just wanna look like these ladies. Well these ladies and some others. I can't ever just choose one though so I guess it's good that I am as I am. I wouldn't give up the color of my hair for anything. That much I know for sure.

I've started reading The Happiness Project which I consider to be one of my two "self help" books on my 25 before 25 list.

I find myself going to bed really happy and positive when I read it and then waking up happy too but then the day comes in and the positivity fades (sometimes real fast) and I'm left feeling self conscious.

Today for instance, I got a call that my pictures were ready. I was a tad confused because when I had gone in before they had said my film was blank. Turns out they had kept my roll from the very first time I used the Holga. There was another roll waiting for me probably minutes after I left CVS this weekend thinking that I had misloaded yet another roll.

Needless to say I was really excited and left for lunch a tad early to go see what had come from my Holga this time.

I opened the little envelope and flipped through the pictures and found myself feeling really disappointed. There were a couple that might work with some cropping but there were none that really stood out to me. It looked like a 10 year old took a camera and had some fun. Well, it looked very similar to when I was 10 and started using my first camera. Definitely amateur.

I shouldn't be disappointed in myself considering I have had no formal training and the Holga is still really new to me but I have a hard time being bad at things that I love. I know I had some awesome ideas in mind when I took the 24 exposures. I know I wanted to see something wonderful and instead I got a roll of mediocre.

This perceived failure definitely put a gray cloud over my mood for a while. I guess if I take some lessons from what I'm reading however, I could see that this had room still to make me happy. I felt good taking the pictures, I felt creative and excited for what might come out. I spent more time looking at my common surroundings. All of these things are positive.

I'm just trying to make myself feel better right now because I don't want to be a bad photographer. Unlike drawing, painting, dancing and music I'm going to stick with this.

Why? Because regardless of if the negatives create ugly photos I still love the thrill of the find, and the excitement when the shutter clicks.

So here's to trying not to be a perfectionist and be a little more positive.