Such a sucker

Photo credit: Marry Me

I'm in absolute love with this secret wedding in Desperate Housewives. The lanterns in the trees are so enchanting it's just magical and surprisingly not spooky even though it is in the woods at night. I almost shed tears when this scene came on. If we're going to be truly honest I almost shed tears several times in this last season of DH due to this crazy relationship between M and S.

I've been so obsessed with Desperate Housewives. I just can't stop watching, I'll go through a disk or two a night of season three this week. I started last Friday night and watched the Season Finale earlier this evening. I'm so into the show it's outrageous. Really.

I just had to share my favorite part thus far. I want my wedding, whenever that may be, to be as full of love and passion as this made up tv show wedding.


We can dream can't we?

What is your special talent or skill...

Guess what I've been doing a lot of... 

I finished the baby blanket for my friend last Friday night and then immediately started my sister's blanket. I'll update with a post of the lovely baby blanket when I get it all wrapped up and pretty. This here, in the picture, was the start of my sister's blanket. Today, 5 days later, it is a whole lot bigger and I'm just truckin along. It seems I've got the crocheting bug yet again. I take my yarn and this blanket with my a lot of places now just in case I have some time to work on it while watching a movie with a friend or something. The last time this happened I finished a blanket in a week! I'm two days away but I have to say I'm probably going to take a bit longer than just 7 days. I have a lot of little things that need to be done and while I would love to sit and watch a half season a day of Desperate Housewives while finishing this blanket, I just can't.

Oh well though, progress is being made and I'm so stoked off of it. I just hope my sister will love it as much as I have loved making it for her.

Now, it's off to bed with me. I actually have a time I have to wake up tomorrow and unfortunately it's before 11am.

Goodnight!

Stressin Out

WeHeartIt Needs Money, I don't have any :(

Trying so hard not to but the stress keeps butting in to my only so strong head. Things on my mind:


+blog isn't pretty or interesting enough (tell me what you like and want to see more of!)
+moving in 27 days
+money money money 
+why previous employers are hiding from/avoiding me
+my mom's constant sadness about one thing or another: lack of help, grandparents steady downhill health marathon, kids always fighting, constant questions about what I'm doing to do in Portland.. etc
+not being able to keep a smile on or keep a cross tone from escaping my lips when talking to my lil brother and sister
+not talking to my at college sister because she's mad at me
+no responses to a craigslist ad
+sleep addiction?


I'm sure there is more but I think that's enough to list for now. Today, even though I'm pretty much flat broke I went to lunch with O from the office. I miss being able to talk to him and C the wonder couple with the most amazing baby EVER! No joke, seriously the cutest thing. I needed lunch because most of today feels like a knock down drag out fight where pessimism is kicking the crap out of positivity. 


I need out of this house. Bad. I need out of this state... bad. I need happy positive situations... REALLY BAD.


Tell me about something positive in your life. I need some happy friends. 

Another day, another book, another lady I love.

Ah yes, my not so secret addiction with The Hills and Lauren Conrad. Tonight I read her second book Sweet Little Lies and loved every second of it. There's something about super easy, bubble gum pop reads that I can't stay away from. I think they are my escape. That has to be it. I read these kinds of books when I want life to be a little more simple and happy. I'm in no way implying that I am unhappy, but it seems that many around me are and I'm just trying to find a way to get everything to work out and get my life on some sort of track. I don't want to be scrounging for money like I am now, I want to be content and working for something bigger. 


Anyway, the book was simple and good. By no means winning any high awards but definitely not a waste of my night. Oh man, she's so effing cute with the cute dress and amazing style. 


I've said it before and I'll say it again, I want to be her friend. 


book 7 of 8 Goodness, I've done the additional 8 much faster than I anticipated. I have been reading a lot a lot.

How I Love Chelsea Handler

Tonight I started and finished book 6 of 8. A nice young woman from work loaned me Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang and I wanted to return it as soon as possible and meant to start it last night but instead finished Desperate Housewives Season 2 (phenomenal) as well as came even closer to finishing the baby blanket AND watching (500) Days of Summer. Phew. Lots going on last night so alas I did not start CCBB. I did start it tonight while painting my nails a new red color I bought. I'm happy with it, but not ecstatic. The nail color I mean, not the book. The book was fabulous. After my failed attempts at finding free episodes from season 3 of Desperate Housewives I resigned myself to finishing the already half if not three quarters read book. 

Ms Chelsea Handler never lets me down. I'm definitely glad I didn't purchase this hardcover book considering I finished it in a couple of hours and hardcovers usually run around $20, but I am VERY glad I read it as well as her other books My Horizontal Life and Are You There Vodka, It's Me, Chelsea. At least I'm pretty sure I read Are You There Vodka... almost positive in fact. Oh goodness my memory is failing me. 

Point is, Chelsea has a way with words and I wish I could hang around her every day. I wouldn't even get too mad when she made up stories to trick me and entertain herself. I wouldn't get mad when she made fun of me either because she'd probably word it really well.

I have a couple of friends that tell me from time to time I remind them of the great C.H. and I should have a show called C Not-So-Lately where I discuss topics that happened FOREVER ago (or maybe two weeks because the media is fickle as we know) with the same charm and wit as is seen on Chelsea Lately. I do not think myself as funny as Chelsea but I do appreciate the compliment. 

If you like this lady read the book, read all of them in fact. It won't set you back more than 6-8 hours for all three of them and there are so many laugh out loud moments in the three that it's well worth it.

In closing I will share with you my favorite line from this book: "I've always had a disliking for animal trainers, and this guy cemented my theory that people who chaperone animals for a living have never had a girl sit on their face."

Only 2 more books to go! #8

A way to keep the nightmares at bay (set 7 of 10)

Against my better judgement this fine evening I decided to look up the affects of black widow spider bites. In the beginning I was relieved to read that they are not as bad as they are made out to be but then I decided to check out the brown recluse and how their bites are handled... I became thoroughly disgusted to say the least. And creeped out. My bad to say the least. So I decided I'm make myself a little more happy before I went to bed (looking to keep nightmares at bay) and so I put together 10 more photos. 

These are all instax mini photos. I need to take more, she's been retired to my room for a while lately while I've played with the new Impossible Project color film for the SX-70. I need to keep her around more though.

Heart Shaped Window

Spirits or a Trick of the Light?

My Favorite Half Garage

Better Than a CoWorker

Day at the Beach Self Portrait

I Love Looking Up At the Sky

My Cuddle Buddy

Roadblocks Mean New Paths and Opportunities

On a Steep Hill

I Love the Simplicity

 

And so wraps up yet another set of 10. Turns out I have taken many more pictures that I've liked since March. Exciting definitely but no reason to stop taking pictures. My life has been hectic lately but my digital camera is ALWAYS with me just in case. There are so many missed pictures that I wish I could take but it would mean pulling over on highways and busy streets. There are some projects I need to do before moving however, they are just going to have to take some courage.

p.s. Spiders, if you could stay out of my bed I would appreciate it a lot and will continue to let most of your species live even when I see you around. Thanks.

Prep, The Abstinence Teacher, Watermelon and The Women's Room (books 2-5 of 8)

I was going to do individual posts about each book but I've come to find that I keep putting off the task. My compromise to myself is still writing about each book I've read but keeping it short and simple and clumping books together if I need to.  I've gone through several books in the past few weeks and one I've already talked about (The Women's Room) but want to put in here for the sake of accurate 25 before 25 tracking.

First up is Prep. Pretty good book, didn't ever get bored and definitely saw a life of a child that wants to get away from home a little earlier. I would definitely recommend it for an easy and fun but not completely carefree read.

The Abstinence Teacher I just finished maybe 20 minutes ago and was a little disappointed in the ending. I feel like there is more to the story that I want to know. The story itself was wonderful, I read through it really fast and found it way easier to handle than Little Children. Oh my goodness I almost didn't buy this book because of how much I didn't like the heartache in Little Children. But luckily I did buy it after reading the synopsis. The book definitely hits on subjects close to my life. Christianity and sexual health teaching are two subjects I constantly find myself thinking about. Christianity because I don't understand it and have tried many times to follow but personally don't find the point and sexual health teaching because I feel like kids in America are definitely not getting the education or information that they deserve which creates a lot of our other social problems across gender, nationality, socio economic status and religious groups. I see now that I could write a lot about these subjects but it wouldn't have too much to do with the book. The point is, I recommend it highly. I really liked the dynamic Perrotta set up between the two main characters. 

Watermelon starts out as a really sad tale but written very lightly so it goes by fast and eventually the story becomes happier and somewhat inspiring. I don't know what it is about chick lit that keeps me coming back but there is something that I just love. Maybe the way that the woman usually ends up with he guy at the end or there is promise. Or maybe it's because the main character goes through a hardship and always bounces back and I just want to have those stories to believe in. Either way I love chick lit and this book was a fast read that I enjoyed.

Already wrote about it a bit here.

The woman's room was definitely a tad more dense than the other books read thus far but it was completely and totally worth it. Still fiction but based on true true stories that hurt my heart a bit and threw me back into feminist mode. The tone was definitely angry and while I'm normally really receptive to anger and pick it up fast I couldn't find myself mad at the male gender nearly as much as I use to be when I would read feminist literature. I'm still very much behind woman empowerment and balance between genders/sexes/roles but I don't like being super pessimistic anymore and so I don't want to hate a huge group for the horrible acts a percentage of that group does. Even if it's a large percentage... I'm only looking for one man in the end. Life is too short to have burning hatred consuming the body and mind. 

Despite the anger I love love loved the book. Absolutely loved it, even though I took a break in the middle of it to read lighter books. It was definitely a worthwhile read and made me think a LOT. I love books that remind me of classes I use to love. This one definitely did.

So there wraps up another post about books and 25 before 25... Hopefully in the next week I'll be finishing a blanket for a friend's new baby and putting the finishing touches on my last paint by numbers. 

Now I'm off to one of my new organizing jobs, this one is a doozy. I am helping B organize his whole garage and then selling expensive stuff he doesn't need and my payment is a percentage of the sales as well as a great reference. 

My ocd definitely helps with jobs like this because they are tiring and if I didn't have my compulsive need to keep fixing things until they look perfect I would quit half way through.

Hope everyone is having a great Sunday!

Cream Cheese, Marriage and Other Acts of Switching Sides

The Wedding Chicks

Since I was a little girl I always had a great dislike for most cheese. I couldn't stand anything other than a sprinkle of medium cheddar cheese in a burrito or fake powdered cheese like one can find in a box of mac and cheese. Any other traces of cheese and I would spit out my food, or swallow dutifully if with company and then refuse to eat another bite. If someone offered pizza I would take the cheese off, I would instantly taste sharp cheese in my burrito and I would (politely) demand that my bagel only be buttered. I don't know what started this abhorrence to most cheese but whatever it was made a very long lasting impression.  My parents, family and friends when introduced with this genuine distaste would immediately assume lactose intolerance. That is not the case. I just really don't like most cheese at all, especially melted cheese like in grilled cheese sandwiches or as on top of the aforementioned pizzas. My family thought I would grow out of it and my taste for cheese would just come into play later in life, such, thus far, has not been the case.

Well, for the most part. I have to say I have made one addition to my list of cheeses I tolerate... cream cheese. I don't know when I started allowing it on my bagel or then even liking it and not scraping it off but it has come to the point where I pack it on reaaaal thick. I love cream cheese. I've never been able to put love and cheese together in a sentence before without saying macaroni and having the assumption that the "cheese" is probably radioactive or going to stick in my stomach for 10+ years. So what happened? I don't know, but every once in a while this great shift happens.

Another great shift was on the thought of marriage. For years as a middle school and high school girl (lady) I was almost positive that marriage wasn't in the cards for me. Yes, some of that was self loathing, insecure, "no one will love me enough to marry me" self pity but some of it actually was serious. My parents relationships, while not horrible, definitely didn't sell me on the idea and I wondered if when I got older and fell in love if I could do without the huge ceremony and certificate. I was certain there for a few years that I could, and that I would enjoy that decision more than following the common route.

I was oh so wrong. I, C, am here today to tell you I am a full on wedding addict. Not the kind that wants to get married over and over again, I want it to happen only once unless there is a renewal of vows, but the kind that loves looking at pictures of other peoples' weddings, one who religiously follows blogs like The Wedding Chicks and 100 Layer Cake. For goodness sakes my next career goal is to become an engagement and wedding photographer. Honestly, when did I become so sappy? (I mean no offense to anyone or the blogs mentioned, I don't really mean sappy as a negative, the blogs are gorgeous as are the weddings showcased.) When did I go from no wedding (cream cheese) to heaps of wedding (cream cheese)? I'm not sure I'll ever know. Maybe that infamous maternal woman instinct is kicking in, maybe it was something latent always there underneath the surface, I'm not sure. All I know is that these weddings shown on these blogs are gorgeous and magical and totally in line with my lifestyle. They look like a real celebration of love which looks so much better than the formality some weddings shape up to be.

I understand that the amount of cream cheese I put on my bagel really has nothing to do with my love for pretty weddings, but it was something to think about as I sat in front of my computer mesmerized by Bree Van De Camp's poise and perfect house (Desperate Housewives Season 2) while I was eating a bage, dipping it piece by piece straight into the tub of cream cheese.  My how some tastes change so drastically.

Are there things like that in your life?

Smile, Smile til it hurts

WeHeartIt


I literally took a deep deep breath before I started typing this post, before I jumped in. I've started publicly announcing (twitter and facebook) that I am moving to Portland between October 14th and 21st. 
Why the deep breath? Well, I'm going to have to get really REALLY creative on how to get enough money to pay all my bills between now and then, feed myself AND get all of my stuff up there. 


The feat that I am attempting in the next month and some odd days is going to require hard work, self restraint and positivity. Because of this I may be shutting out a lot of the outside world. By that I mean I'm going to be turning off my mind to negative things coming out of other people's mouths. I've been weighed down by it the last (um forever) and I can't do it anymore. I want to find a balance but until I do I will be slapping a silly smile on my face and telling myself despite anything and everything I can do what I need to do.


So there's that. 


Sleep needs to find me earlier in the night from now on. Seriously.

Can't Get Enough (set 6 of 10)

A mixture of instant cameras in this post. Instax 210, SX-70 and the Instax Mini:

Roses

I had a lover

Pretty Pink

close to the sun

They keep coming back

Thought Spot View

Ocean's Collection

The Moat Overtook the Castle

So We're Safe?

When I'm here they think I'm checking the waves to surf

Past few days = blur of emotions

Labor day weekend was a blur of emotions for sure. Here's a list of things going on:

Friday-

+ work

+ shop with new friend

+ go dancing

Saturday- 

+ interview with Anthro (another group interview, I wasn't on my A game..don't think I'll hear back :/)

+ take a nap

+ fight with mom during hostile and emotional lunch

+ talk with mom by cars, finally get somewhere

+ get sunburned on chest with oval of white in the middle where necklace is

+ organize whole kitchen with mom when we get home (still looks amazing 4 days later... no small feat)

+ BBQ @ old house with ex roommates and some other friends

Sunday - 

+ Shower and mom surprises me with Starbucks

+ clothes shopping (hit up the most crazy Forever 21 ever)

+ talking talking talking, quality time with mom

+ home and rest for a second

+ Mother Daughter movie date to Going the Distance (SOOOOOOO GOOD! Hilarious!)

Monday -

+ start working on organizing Mom's office (3+ hours)

+ make mom cry but not on purpose or doing anything mean, just residual conflicts to work out

+ agonize over decisions to be made

+ dinner with Brian to sort out feelings, then frozen yogurt (yuuuum)

Needless to say, the weekend was emotionally exhausting but definitely needed. This week and the following weeks before I move are going to be filled with trying my best to make money to get my stuff up to P town.

This organization thing really is working for me, my mom keeps talking about how good I am and so does Brian (we worked on his crazy mess of a garage today for 3 hours).

My mom's going to pay me for the help, Brian is going to give me a percent of the money made for things sold on craigslist and maybe if I get one more person I'll make enough to move. 

Oh goodness I need sleep.

Halfway there with #6!!! (set 5 of 10)

polaroids!

broken down buildings, my fav!

My street! (not really)

Meditation Garden Grandeur

Inspiration's Doorway

pretty bird

Darling Swing

weekend balloon

My favorite orange

hope breaks through

enjoy life. you're rich with it.

And so ends episode 5... episode 6 up next with, you guessed it, moooore polaroids! :)

I don't want who I am to limit my future

Excuse my soapbox moments...

I'm reading The Woman's Room right now and have been for the past three weeks I think. Oops, one book I didn't get through in a day or two. I've had a couple of books in between. But this book is dense reading. Although fiction it definitely keeps me thinking hard about the arguments being made. Take the following excerpt for instance, I have highlighted the parts that I feel the most, but don't just read those, the whole excerpt is very pointed and fascinating.

"One advantage to being a despised species is that you have freedom, freedom to be any crazy thing you want. If you listen to a group of housewives talk, you'll hear a lot of nonsense, some of it really crazy. This comes, I think, from being alone so much, and pursuing your own train of thought without impediment, which some call discipline. The result is craziness, but also brilliance. Ordinary women come out with the damnedest truths. You ignore them at your own risk. And they're permitted to go on making wild statements without being put in one kind of jail or another (some of them, anyway) because everyone knows they're crazy and powerless too. If a woman is religious or earthy, passive or wildly assertive, loving or hating, she doesn't get much more flak than if she isn't, her choices lie between being castigated as a ball and chain or as a whore. What I don't understand is where women suddenly get power. Because they do. The kids, who almost always turn out to be a pile of shit, are, we all know, Mommy's fault. Well, how did she manage that, this powerless creature? Where was all her power during the years she was doing five loads of laundry a week and worrying about mixing the whites with the colors? How was she able to offset Daddy's positive influences? How come she never knows she has this power until afterward, when it gets called responsibility?

What I'm trying to understand is winning and losing. Now the rule of the game is that men win as long as they keep their noses comparatively clean, and women lose, always, even extraordinary women."

I don't want to say that I completely and totally agree with everything said here but the point is strong and a thought I struggle with day in and out whether I really give it a clear thought or not. I don't believe that things are as bad now for women as they where in the time that the story was written in. I don't believe that men win as much as women but I do know there are some severe glass ceilings still in place that hopefully some women will bring a hammer to soon. I know that there is still the "whore or virgin" stereotype put to women as well.

My mom and I are in an interesting place in our relationship right now. I am fully behind the women's liberation movement and have been since I was young. I'm also behind men being gentlemen and opening a door for me because I'm a lady. I'm ALSO behind people being decent to one another, a man holding a door for another man instead of letting it shut in his face, a woman giving another woman a compliment even if the first feels insecure by the perceived greatness of the other.

My mom is not as has not been behind women's liberation movement. She blames current indecency in some men (her ex husband and her friends' ex husbands) on women's lib. Now, she says, men can have their cake and eat it to. I don't completely disagree with her but I think she forgets key parts of her life that would be even more difficult if the women's lib hadn't happened at all.

I think about this many times a month, possibly even many times a week depending on what I am doing. I support things that many feminists' would retch at but I still consider myself a feminist. I don't have a black and white explanation for humanity and gender issues and feminism or anything else but I feel like a lot of people do and they miss some HUGE things and cut out some really important and great people when they do.

Morality means such different things to different people. I struggle to find common ground sometimes.

Book 2 of 8 for 25 before 25 #8

Pictures pictures pictures (Set 4 of 10)

Welcome ladies and gents, here's another set of photos for the infamous 25 before 25. There will be two more of these this week and then they will come as I take more pictures from there on out.

Muscle Buster

Work Avoidance

Everything Is Going to Work Out (2)

Fruit Left Behind

Palm Springs (2)

Ferris Wheel Love (3)