I read a book

Today I read a book that I really disliked. Not enough to stop reading, I was definitely hoping for a happy ending, but one I was dissatisfied with at the end. I won't fully go into the story line or ending but I will say the main point of the book is questioning current trends in feminism and making a comment on how many idealists turn a blind eye to the discrepancies between their beliefs and actions.

I believe myself to be a feminist yes, but there are many feminists who would consider me a traitor and a liar. My beliefs are not anti-porn or women are better than men. My beliefs aren't going to fight to keep every woman in a CEO position if they want to stay home to take care of their babies. My feminism isn't bra burning or all men spurning, it just is. A definition of feminism is: the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes. Is that even possible? Could i take out the word equality and switch it for balance? That would be my definition. I believe women can do great things, I believe that women should be able to get to the top of the corporate ladder without everyone asking who she slept with to get there... I believe that women can be strong and talented and smart and some can be dumb and weak. But I also believe that men can be strong and talented and smart and others can be dumb and weak as well. I don't have clear black and white rules for my feminism (much less anything else I believe in).

I am strong, I am (or can be) independent (living with my mom right now, not so independent in that field), I am smart and funny and fun and I am a feminist and it burns my hide when my mom blanches at the idea of and would never dream of calling herself a feminist. It doesn't have to be as scary as some make it out to be. Or at least that's where I am at right now. But maybe I am wrong, maybe I should be donning some combat boots, putting on some armor, saying goodbye to make up, perfume and cute underthings and hitting the road.

I think what frustrates me the most with this book is everyone wanting the main character to pick and choose from her ideals and telling her it's a bad economy and something that wouldn't make her happy is a great opportunity so she should have taken it. It's too close to home. I get it, the economy isn't great but good lord should that make everyone say goodbye to what they believe and grasp onto anything they can because they are desperate?

I don't have any answers, just a continuously growing list of questions.

Pie the Way

Isn't this lady just foxy as can be.

Curves are hot

I found her while doing my bathing suit search. I much prefer the retro looking model body types to the sticks of recent years.

I need a job so I can spend my paycheck

Today in my crazy hours of job hunting I went into Anthropologie (yes I'm trying to apply there not just spend all of my money there) and I saw some lovely lovely dresses that I just feel in love with. Almost literally Fell... well, I was upright the whole time but only by a little (I was also very hungry by this point).

So here they are:

(1)

(2)

And then I came home much later after hours at the library and such and I started looking for retro nautical style bathing suits... my searches led me to even more cute things.

Not a swim suit but still frickin cute!

Oh sigh. All the pretty, pretty things. I need people to start biting my line in the job department. Heck! I could go for boys biting at my line for dates... either would be a nice treat.

Color My Parachute

Today marks the start of my new project (and side blog). I'm going to work my way through What Color Is My Parachute from beginning of the workbook to the end. Hopefully along the way I'll find some answers about my future and maybe some information about myself. I'm crossing my fingers. Even if I don't I'll be able to check off a task from my mental to-do list and I'll get to tell everybody about my kinda boring life along the way. Win-win.

If you're at all interested go here to see it: coloringmyparachute.blogspot.com

I'm going to need to look at how to make it prettier, this is definitely just the beginning but I'm excited.

Now off to watch some Season 2 of Desperate Housewives.

#14 & #15

Today has been perfect, absolutely perfect. I thought I was going to finish it off with reading magazines at Barnes and Noble but alas I was wrong. After B&N I went to the grocery store for dessert supplies:Ben and Jerry's chocolate fudge brownie ice cream

and

fresh raspberries

I came home, showered off then scooped a generous portion of ice cream into my bowl and put a half handful of raspberries on top. Then I ate it, pretty fast. :)

After I finished my dessert I thought I was going to call it a night, but I thought about this small art project I have been wanting to do the past few days and thought I would just outline it on some paper (amazing, thick, beautiful Crane paper... I'm not 100% sure about the thickness but I think it's 120#. Beauuuutiful!

It didn't stop at the outline, I very rarely stop when I start an outline. I should have known. I then decided I could take a sharpie to the rough sketch, then I wanted to paint the background... It's like the book When You Give a Mouse a Cookie... things just keep adding up. After I painted the background I wanted to fill in the letters, so I did. I tore pieces of pretty patterned paper and glued it to the piece...

Once done with one word I had to do another and another until the whole thing was done.

I decided adding the finishing touches wouldn't hurt so I did that too.

Here's how it came out:

Please excuse the poor lighting and the not so great shot of the piece, I am tired and have poor indoor lighting camera skills at the moment.

I'm so glad I did this, so glad I went and saw Eat Pray Love, so glad I went to Barnes and Noble and the library and the post office today. Today was so good.

AND, even better... I can cross something off of my 25 by 25 list! Well, I'm counting it in two sections because not only was this was both painting and collaging (which apparently isn't a word). So one of three down on #14: Make three collages and I now can cross off #15: paint a picture. Exciting? Definitely.

Lastly, while I was in my bathroom washing off my paint brushes and paint holder I was instantly struck with two more paint/collage ideas. I sketched them down right when I got back in my room.

Today was good, today was sooo good.

Goodnight moon. :)

p.s. This saying which is really sticking with my right now is not mine but I found it here and it looks like this:

New Rule

picture credit: mine all mine :)

Stop listening to the negative nelly that lives in my head. Sure there are many reasons I can't do something but there are tons more, or maybe even just one reason why I can. All I need is one idea that sticks, one path that is right for now. All I need is one person to be my life companion, all I need is one amazing job offer to start saving money AND loving life. Well, I'll continue working on loving life no matter if I have a job, a significant other or an idea but the other parts are very true.

Today I had a me day. I slept in, then did a couple of things for job searches via internet, then got ready slowly while doing more things on internet. When I left the house I went to the post office and ran into a woman that is moving to Nashville. Her mother in law was with her shipping things out and she had glowing review for the place. The woman in line in between us kept going on about how you have to sloooooow your pace down and you could tell that wasn't her kind of life but the woman who lives there was just so happy to call Nashville home. That got me excited again. After that I took myself to the bank and deposited a check then went over to the library to see about a scanner. Unfortunately they were all in use but I found some $1 fast reads in the Friends of the Library bookstore and THEN happened upon what looks to be an amazing, amazing book in the fiction section titled: In the Woman's Room. I read the forwards and just couldn't say no. I checked out the book, paid off my overdue fees and went over to the movie theater for a date with myself. I went and saw Eat Pray Love. I knew it was going to make me feel so inspired and pull up so many feelings of how I need to do something grand like the writer did and I was so right. Julia Roberts plays the part really well, I'm not at all upset by the casting. Delicious movie.

So that's how I came up with my new rule. I left the theater feeling so dreamy but this little nagging feeling kept coming up saying, "Of course you feel dreamy but you know this isn't going to change your life more than any other book or movie has. You always feel like this after a good book or film. Does anything ever happen, no." So that's when I told it and my parents' opinions to shut up.

I've been listening too long to things that people say to make themselves feel better when they are disappointed with their life. I've been listening way too long. I understand that ignorance isn't bliss and that reality does happen but for a little bit I'm going to live in my dream world and see what happens.

I'm going to sit back on the chaise lounge in my mind and take it all in. Yes I'm going to apply to jobs, yes I'm going to work, yes I'm going to continue being responsible. But I'm going to do so in a more relaxed state.

Life happens and I want to enjoy it.

Found here

Dear self,

Be nice please. I understand I've slacked a little (a lot) in job hunting, that I could be filling out more applications/sending more resumes per day but sometimes reality isn't what I want to face.

Please realize that I need a little encouragement from you. We both know that having people on the outside say that what we create is beautiful/creative/etc is wonderful and saying thank you is great but it would really be helpful if you could let me believe it for a second.

We've come to a crossroads here self. We're at the spot where we can continue on the same kind of path we've always gone through or we can pick of the machete that we've found and hack ourselves a new path. The second option of course sounds better, stronger, more noble and courageous but self I have to be honest with you, I won't be able to get through it if I don't get a little help.

We might get a couple miles into the new path but if all I get is criticism about how I could be doing better or cutting brush away faster then I'll just turn back around.

Self, I really, really, really need you to be in this with me. It's scary but it's worth it I think. We are not cut out for the "normal" life. We are definitely meant to do something different.

So can we call a truce? Can we hash out what we don't agree with, or what you feel I'm not up to par with and move forward? I'm going to need you to be breaking down barriers with me, not sinking your heals into the ground while I drag you behind.

I'm glad we had this talk self. It's really important from here on out that we get along for the most part.

Love,

Me