I should live in a box and not know about ebay

I knew it, I knew it looong ago. I knew that I should never, EVER, get close to ebay. EVER! But against my better judgment, years and years later in a sore throated splendor I decided to start my ebay game. I want cameras, lots and lots of cameras. So many people are selling vintage cameras and it's just killing me. I want to bid on just about every one. But if I do that I'm going to forget and win more than one of the same thing and then be out of money. Not a good idea.
What I have bid on today:

Many of these... I really want a white one but we shall see. I have a SX-70 already but it is the plastic kind and I want more of the original. I want to see the difference.

I also bid on a couple of these:

I am really interested in TtV (through the viewfinder) photography. I've already dabbled in the idea by putting my point and shoot up to my polaroid viewfinder. Fun stuff but it would be even more fun with a twin lens reflex. 

The problem is I just don't know how much I'm really willing to spend on these things. It's not that I don't want them super bad, it's more that I'm hoping that I might find them at a thrift store for cheap because the people selling them don't know how much money they can get. I don't want to swindle anyone at all, I just don't have a lot of money and an awesome thrift find is an awesome thrift find.

Last but not least while perusing the SX-70 listings I happened upon some polaroid photo albums. I bought one. It looks a little like this:

I am such a sucker for hot air balloons on things. I'm really excited for it to come in the mail! I LOVE getting packages in the mail, even when I know what I bought. 

To end this post about my need for more things camera like I just wanted to say that I've been trying to shoot some decent pictures with my sx-70 but I am having a really hard time with the new color film from The Impossible Project. I can't get any good lighting for the pictures and there are white spots all over the images. I know there were warning that came with this first run but then I saw samples of what others had done with their film and they looked really good. I've worked with the light dial and taking pictures at different times and I even pulled out the flash bar but all to no avail. My pictures stay in mostly shades of blue and fade within a week. That's probably why I started my feverish (not literally though I do have a cold) search for a new sx-70. I want to see if the metal and leather model takes different pictures than my plastic one.

Alright, I'm now going to rest my horribly sore throat and tired mind. Cross your fingers that I win something for relatively cheap on ebay. I tried to search out the listings with the least amount of bidders and less than a day left on time.

Do something that scares you everyday

I want, I want, I want!

I decided to make today (Friday) a day all for me. I started it with my first EVER class of yoga at this awesome little place down the street called Yoga Center. I've been meaning to try yoga for a long time now because I want to a) find a method of exercise that doesn't make me bored and b) regain flexibility that I had in junior high. Yoga seemed to be a good idea. 

Let me just tell you, it was! The center was awesome. Very spiritual which is not what I was looking for at all but the instructor was helpful and very calming. The class lasted an hour and a half and I'm not sure how I made it through in all honesty. It wasn't bikram yoga, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't last in that one considering high heat makes me pass out when I'm just sitting still, but it was very pleasurable and I'm SO glad I went. 

To continue my day of awesomeness I went home, took a nice shower then quickly got ready to leave the house again so I wouldn't be tempted to take a nap. I was still tempted but I overcame it and got my little bum out of the house.

I then went to a little (not so little) thrift store my lovely friend/roommate (owner of the house I'm living in) told me about. I found, once again, that I am just not a solo thrifter. I know books really well but other than that I get a little lost in the craze. I did find two interesting looking hardcovers however and after strolling a little more left the store. A fancy little dish set did catch my eye and I'm kind of regretting not getting it... I might just go back tomorrow to see if it's all there. 

After my thrift extravaganza (more of a short foray) I went to Verizon to return a memory card I had for my  previous, quirky, always going glitchy after an update phone. By this time I was really very hungry because I had left my bed with maybe 30 minutes to spare before yoga class time and so had only shoveled a couple of bites of vanilla yogurt mixed with rice crispies down my throat. I decided to venture up to UTC to return a pair of jeggings to Nordies and get some delicious Boudin's soup and salad. I thought this was going to be a fairly easy endeavor but was mistaken. The half yearly sale was going on at Nordstrom's AND it was pretty warm so everybody decided shopping and eating at boudin's would be the best idea. Awesome. 

I got my food, which, by the way was soup and salad on a hot day with no inside seats and had to find a table in the shade up by the nordstrom's entrance which is a bit of walk from the actual restaurant. Once I sat down I felt a little better but that only last a second considering the soup was no better than Campbell's tomato soup. Severely disappointing considering the Boudin's in San Marcos make it SO much better. To make up for it I decided to text a friend in North County because I was already half way there anyway. He mentioned him and other mutual friends' plans to surf and I said I would meet up with them at the beach at some point.

I left UTC (after returning the pants), drove up to La Costa, stopped by the Friends of the Library book store, found some books, found some books for a girl and her mom also in the little shop and then headed back down to Encinitas. While driving toward Encinitas I decided it was a perfect day to take pictures of this broken down, fenced off school off of E street. I've been wanting to get some pictures forever but never really knew how to maneuver it. I only got shots of the obvious, easy to access parts considering it was a work day but it was fun and exciting. I then also took pictures of a broken down apartment building right behind the school. Equally awesome and fun.

Finally I made my way to the beach and read half of one of my new books while "watching" my friends surf. I must say, the book is kind of what I've been looking for. I didn't get bored at all and got involved in the story line. Thank goodness! 

After growning restless with the sand fleas I started packing my stuff up (the sun was almost fully gone by then) and this little boy that I had seen off a few yards from me came over and decided we needed to play. He was 2 and adorable and made me realize that they ARE still cute even after the first year. I thanked (kind of) the universe for that information. He showed me the tunnel him and his father had made while I was reading and he put his small toy monster truck through the tunnel several times. After he realized the truck would crash a lot he would purposely throw the truck down the tunnel hole and say "uh oh! it crashed!" and then take my hand and lead me to which ever side of the tunnel I wasn't on. Mind you, this tunnel was maybe a foot long... but he insisted. 

Quickly after his father cleaned up the toys and made the boy leave my boys (a lot older in age) got out of the water and we headed up this huge amount of stairs that literally kill my thighs EVERY TIME. As if my body didn't ache enough. 

The last stop of the night before coming home was to a goodbye party for a wonderful lady (girl/woman) that I met just last week. She's friends with the boys surfing and we'd been at the same party the week before laughing and having a good ol' time so I was invited to say goodbye too. She's going back to Fiji to finish her time with the PeaceCorps. Yeah, she's rad. So I met some new people and chilled with everyone else, met the family (or at least mom) and told the awesome story of how I knew her daughter. "Oh yeah, just met her a week ago..." 

Now I'm home. I had some good chats with the roommates/houseowners/my friends and now I'm putting myself to sleep. I'm pretty sure I want to hit up yoga again tomorrow morning but if this sore throat gets worse I may just sleep til who knows when.

Goodnight!

Killing the Blues

I love this movie!

My movies to watch on bad days:
-The Notebook
-The Go-Getter
-The Royal Tenenbaums
-Jennifer's Body

I watch these when I've been feeling really uninspired, lonely, frustrated or sad. (I also watch these movies on good days but it's rare.)
Tonight I watched The Go-Getter, I wanted the feel of Portland and simplicity. I wanted Zooey Deschanel sipping soda from a straw and dipping fries in ketchup (my all time favorite scene from the movie, can't explain why but it pops in my head probably at least once every two weeks even when I haven't watched the movie). To say I watched it is a bit of an exaggeration however. I watched my favorite parts. The parts I found the most inspiring and comforting. I didn't watch the parts that mildly distress me, I just wasn't in the mood.
I do this often with certain movies. The Notebook for instance... I don't watch the very end anymore. Mostly because when I want to watch it I'm desperate for a happy love story and don't want to cry. So I watch the parts of when they were young. There's so much I find inspiring about Rachel McAdams character in that movie, I'm just enchanted by her completely. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't in LOVE with young Noah. So handsome and endearing how he goes after her. One day I want someone to love me as much as he loved her. I know it's a movie but a girl can still dream.

Two movies that will be added to the list when they come out:
-Going the Distance
-Easy A

Funny, awesome love(ish) stories. Can't wait. Seriously.

Last but not least, TV shows I watch when I'm feeling a bit blue:
- The OC Season 1
- Gilmore Girls (any season but the older Rory gets the more I like it, more easy to relate to maybe?)
- Desperate Housewives

What are your movies you watch when you're feeling uninspired or in need of a pick me up? Do you only watch certain parts of movies too?

Oh I like this better! NaBloPoMo

So it's only three (well 4 technically) days into NaNoWriMo and already I'm having doubts. Such is normal for someone like me. I guess this would be a good chance to prove myself wrong huh. What if it was an actual assignment? What would I do then? Probably everything I had to do to get a B. I don't apply too much stress to myself anymore. I was a crazy perfectionist for so long and I was so mean to myself. I'm not saying letting myself completely off the hook is the answer either but I have yet to find a happy medium. 


Point is, I just found NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) via one of my all time favorite blogs Hula Seventy and decided that while I can't win prizes because it is already the 4th and I didn't post something the 1st and the 2nd I would still go for it until the end of the month! So I guess I'm going to be taking both NaNoWriMo and NaBloPoMo on. Adding more instead of taking away work. But in doing both I'll be giving myself a tad bit of slack on the 50,000 word count. I have a story to write and believe me I have a LOT of material considering it would be a fictionalized account of my life but life's already super hectic. I'm looking to finish out this week with at least 10,000 words though. I only have 8,500 more to go!


Thursday, November 4, 2010
Would you rather be wealthy and ugly, wise and sickly, or beautiful and stupid?
None of those sound like a good time. I guess if I had a great personality and was wealthy and ugly I could always get some plastic surgery done. Beautiful and stupid unfortunately would get me a lot farther than wise and sickly. But no matter what I would want to be happy. If beautiful and stupid meant happy then I guess that's how it goes. If I could be happy while being ugly then maybe I'd take that. I'm not any of those choices though and just thinking about my answer to that question makes me so happy that it's hypothetical.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Describe the plot of the next book you want to read, even if the book doesn't exist yet.
I want something easy to read but not necessarily light. I just want to really get into something from the first page.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Tell us the story of a piece of jewelry you own. Where did it come from, and what does it mean to you?
I don't put a lot of meaning to most jewelry. I do have my mom's wedding ring from here marriage to my dad which is about as sentimental as I get. I don't wear it because I'm afraid to but I really do appreciate that my mom gave it to me.

Monday, November 1, 2010
How would your life change if you didn't have rent or a mortgage to pay, i.e., if your housing was free?
My rent is free for the next three months so I don't think my life would change all that much. Now, if three months from now I could move somewhere else where my rent would be free then I would say that I would worry a lot less about a career and spend a lot more time having fun with photography and such.

Wednesday with Sebastian

Meet the lil man I babysit on Wednesdays! Isn't he just the cutest? I sure think so. I mean, obviously considering I even thought about agreeing to babysit the little munchkin. It's no secret among friends and family that I am not a big baby/kid person. I was awkward with my three younger siblings, refusing to help with diapers or babysitting. Something about Sebs broke down that wall in my heart though and so here I am, the girl that swore she'd NEVER have a baby, having a weekly playdate with a child that is not yet one.

He's a blast. He makes the best expressions and is just a little sweetheart. 

Last week was my first time babysitting EVER. I was a tad nervous, I'm not going to lie. I kept having to remind myself that I was around for three babies, two of which I saw every part of care and keeping even if I refused to get my hands dirty. (Eww baby germs) Luckily last Wednesday went without a hitch. I took naps when he did which was Awesome! We watched tons of Yo Gabba Gabba and Mickey Mouse Playhouse. We laughed and made faces and just all around had a good time. 

Today was mostly the same, there were less episodes of Yo Gabba Gabba but more of Mickey Mouse Playhouse and Handy Manny. I even snuck in this week's episode of Gossip Girl and the first half of an SNL from two weeks ago! 

This week I felt a little more lost on what to do during the awake times. We drank baba's, ate some food, threw some toys around, crawled around the living room, went into his room and played in the mini ball pit but I felt like maybe I should come up with some activities or turn off the tv. Honestly it's not like he was paying attention to the tv half of the time. Unless the Hot Dog song came on Mickey Mouse club... but what activities are there for a boy just about to be one? I've seriously never babysat before this. Am I doing things right? I need to pay more attention to what the parents do on the weekend. (I live with them.) 

If you have any suggestions please let me know! I think next week we're going to take some pictures of him with my new diana mini but I don't know what else.

Well, my NaNoWriMo procrastination station has been successful and now I'm sleepy. Surprising considering I had two naps today.

Oh November

This is the new project. Not something I can really go into detail about here but it's going to be fun and stressful for sure. It's going to keep me writing though. That's a plus for sure.

So here's to a little over 1,000 words on the first day. Only 49,000 more to go!

Starting the new month by finishing up the last one

a source is a source

So I finished the 30 day of truths on the first day of the new month. Probably not exactly how it was suppose to go but it's definitely a me move. Now I need to figure out what to do for this month. Something fun for sure! Wednesdays are now going to be dedicated to a little munchkin I have the ultimate pleasure of babysitting one day a week so look forward to that... until my next project comes to mind here are the last of my 30 truths.

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

That is quite a loaded question isn't it. The answer to that is the deciding factor for psychs to call the even higher professionals. Dangerous, dangerous questions. It's a shame it is such a loaded question. I honestly feel like every person has questioned the point of the day to day and year to year at least once in their life. It may have been because a boyfriend/girlfriend dumped them or it may be because they were fired and evicted on the same day with no where to go and no one to talk to. Everybody hits a low. We don't all hit the same depth of low but we all hit our lows and existence has to be questioned. 

Yes I've thought about giving up. I thought about giving up in a way that left me in a floating calm middle. As I would ride the bus on the bridge over the river into downtown I would wonder what it would be like to jump. I always imagined a moment of peace when submerged in water (after the first shock of slamming into the surface wore off). I always knew however, that the sense of calm I imaged would never happen. The water would never be the perfect temperature, it would never hold the comfort I imagined floating in the middle would. There would be gross things bumping into me, it would be icy cold and so uncomfortable I would know without a doubt I was still alive. 

Why did I think about this every day for at least a month? Because I was tired of hearing myself think. I was tired of being on edge, I was tired and fed up with not being able to understand my frequent breakdowns or intense need to be out of my own skin. 

It was a time when I was hurting myself a bit because it was a momentary relief and the raised skin was a reminder. I didn't cut myself, never drew blood, never left marks, bumps or bruises that would become permanent but I did use my own nails to scratch red trails down my arms so I could feel something. It sounds so cliche but I don't know how else to write it. I just felt an intense pressure to do something but I didn't know what that something was. 

Thus far, that was the darkest place I've been mentally. In retrospect and in comparison to others in the world it seems minimal, trivial really. I'm so glad my psych and others didn't treat it as such though. I needed attention that I'd been trying to hide from for so long. 

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?

My living situation. I live with the most awesome married couple (both my friends from my previous job) and their baby. I'm in love with this baby which doesn't ever happen to me. I ohh and ahhh like others when babies come around but this is the only one I've wanted to stay with me when mommy comes by to take him away. I get to babysit that bundle of awesomeness once a week and then I chill with him whenever I want for the rest of the week (keeping in mind his sleeping schedules and such). I never thought I'd live in this part of SD but I really do love it. I just found the grocery store tonight. Good times. 

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

I had to end a friendship over reactions to answers to this question. She had one strong opinion that I respected but didn't agree with and she wouldn't let it go. 

Honestly I can't say what I would do. I'm taking precautions to keep that from happening but if accidents happened and s hit the fan I don't know what I would do. It would depend A LOT on who I was with and if it was serious and how I felt about them being a dad and how they felt about being a dad etc. Knee jerk reaction is that I'd say goodbye real fast to the collection of cells that decided to stick when I wasn't ready but life is circumstantial.

***Whether you agree or not with my answer I hope, hope, hope you see that I'm trying to be respectful and honest of other people's opinions and life situations. This month called for truths and so here I am, broaching a subject I normally wouldn't on my blog.***

Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

I want to become better about making decisions. I want to also become better at not second guessing myself. If I don't second guess then I will be better at making more decisions.

Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Dear Me,

I'm so tired right now but today has been a good day, and good days are when it's easier for me to tell you what I love about us. I love our hair, our eyes, our ability to make so many expressions that people find uncommon and easy to remember. I love our courage when we have it, our compassion, our ability to guess what comes next for friends and family. I love that we don't believe in living the normal. I love our ability to make friends and keep them. I love our random attention to detail and our ability to take naps just about any time.

I love our memory for silly details and our ability to absorb information fast fast fast. I figure there is a lot more I love about us, but I'm sleepy and inspired by another project.

So for now, dear me... I love you and goodnight.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself