You've Got Mail!

Looks like I am caught up for my 30 truths until tomorrow. Yesterday was so productive and I'm feeling the effects today, like bricks. I don't know why I get so mentally and physically tired sometimes but when I do I get so worried. Nevertheless I was proud of myself for all of the things I got checked off my list tomorrow for the move and everything.

I'm going to go back to last week for a tad though because I definitely neglected you a bit. The highlight of my week last week (or one of them) was putting together a little care package for my sister. I'm thisclose to being finished with her blanket, I just had to get some more yarn (one of the tasks checked off my list yesterday) but I figured I would send her a book and some other stuff in the mean time. She's coming home right after I move so I'm going to miss her by a bit but she'll have a nice package on her bed and a soft blanket to cuddle. :) Back to last week's package though...

Step one, open box. 

Step Two: look at contents... oooh some polaroids, a small elephant and a book...

 Step three: OH! but there's more, there are pictures and a note! Enjoy!

I was quite happy with the end result. There was an additional picture of the two of us together added in toward the end of putting together the box. I hope she likes it and smiles when she gets everything. :)

Now it's time to put myself to bed. I'm listening to City and Colour (amazing) and it is lulling me even farther into zzzzz zone. I hope my room cools down soon here. I'm a tad warmer than I want to be for sleep.




ps the blog is freaking out right now with font and underlining and bold and size and everything. I don't have the mental strength tonight to figure it all out so I apologize if things seem a tad crazy.

yay 4 more on the 30 truths!

Another post about the trails and tribulations of being a redhead

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

That would have to be my math teacher in seventh grade. She started the year off showing her disdain for me when calling roll on the first day. "Oh, so YOU'RE C, well Mrs. P just thinks the WOOOORLD of you." Don't be mistaken, she wasn't saying it very nice. I was confused considering I had NEVER at that point, met a teacher that didn't like me. But there I was, in the middle of the most awkward stage of my life, soaking up as many insecurities as possible in front of all the boys I thought were cute and she just added one more. Great.

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

T. T was a boy (not quite 18 when I was 19 I think) that I dated for a short while. He was the first boy I really made out with. He was my first lust and genuine heartbreak. Serious, serious heartbreak. I didn't pick up on the warning signs our first night meeting, I was too busy just being happy that a boy I was interested in was showing interest back. Don't worry, he wasn't an abuser, at least not to me. He was however an abuser to himself. I guess when he was younger, way before I met him he had been a bit chunky and so up to the time that I met him he had starved himself basically. Sometimes he ate but there was definitely an eating disorder in the works among other illnesses. T was depressed and I thought I could help by talking to him and showing him I adored him. I really, really adored him. One night I get a text saying he's bleeding and dizzy and doesn't know what's going on. I keep texting but get nothing back. It was late and I was out with friends and T lived over an hour away. I felt powerless. The next day I still heard nothing, I tried to call, I text some more... nothing. That night I cried because I knew something was horribly wrong and I just remember begging anything out there that he was alive because part of me felt like he wasn't. The next morning FINALLY I got a text saying solely "I messed up. I'm sorry." I called, no answer. He text saying his mom wouldn't talk yet but he was in the hospital. Eventually the story came out. He went to a party that night of the horrible text, he had a fifth of vodka and a generous handful of somas... he took his pocket knife that his stepdad had given him and somehow cut himself pretty good. His mom found him the next morning on a whim, she never use to check on him before leaving for work but for some reason she did that day. She found him barely breathing and when the doctors got a look at him they had said if it had waited much longer, minutes not hours, he would have been gone. I cried, and cried, and cried. We said I love you back and forth, me with as much conviction as possible because I wanted him to feel it when I said it, I wanted him to know that someone was there for him. 

Things after that got worse and worse. Luckily not for his life, but for our relationship. I stopped hearing from him after a while and I guess he got a girlfriend that didn't work out. I would try to reach out every once in a while to show him I wasn't ever going to give up on him but I'm not sure that mattered. It still stings a bit to think about. The last I talked to him things were going well and I guess in the end that's all I could really ask for. I wish I still had a way to talk to him but I don't and I guess I should let that episode in my life be done. 

Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

It is amazing. As of right now there is no one that comes to mind. At present I am at peace with all of my relationships... or at least as much as I can be. I know of people who I use to feel I needed to let go of but I've dealt with each situation mentally and I'm fine. This may be because I haven't met any new lovers in a while so there's nothing complicated but who knows. Maybe not. Maybe I'm just learning to sort things out as best as I can without regretting things that happen. One can only hope.

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on. Oh goodness... the appropriate one would be my hair. Redheads are use to compliments and other commentary about their hair. It's something natural ones have dealt with since birth and others have dealt with since first dye. Having red hair is a statement, like it or not. I, personally, love it. But I've known nothing different. The inappropriate one that I get compliments on quite frequently is my behind. And the compliments come from both males and females.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Three more!

Day 05: Something I hope to do in my life.
Goodness, I have a whole list that is never frickin ending of things I want to do in my life. It's pretty lucky that I do too because it keeps me slightly sane on the bad days where I wonder what the point is. I still have no answer for the point which is tough in itself BUT I am a bit selfish (which my mom thought was a bad thing, little does she know it's what keeps me alive) and I still want to do and see some things before it's all over. I want to swim with sharks, I want to swim with dolphins, I want to be completely adored by someone I adore and get married, I want to go up in a hot air balloon and become as flexible as I was in high school... I want to read soooo many more books, I want to do some pin up modeling, I want to go back to Argentina and live there for a while, I want to live in the south and gosh I could go on but I think that's good. :)


Day 06: Something I hope I never have to do.
I hope I will never have to go to jail. There are a lot of other things that I hope I will never have to do but that was the third one that came to mind and the only one I felt like putting down. I also hope I never have to be the bearer of bad news like the death of a family member. I cry watching just about any tv show or movie where someone has to give the news. Tears me up!


Day 07: Someone who has made my life worth living for.
That's easy. My sister T.Q. is a person that has indeed made my life worth living for. She annoyed me sooo much when we were little and she'd mess up my Barbies because even back then I was a tad ocd about things being in the right place but we've come a long way since then. Things started getting exceptionally better one day as we were driving around in my semi new car and New Found Glory was playing and Ms. T decided to start playing air drums like a maniac. We laughed like loons and things got better and better after that. She's off and on irritated at me at the present moments because I'm trying to get her to stop being sad about being away from family but I hope she knows deep down that it's because I want her to have fun, I want her to realize sooner than I did how wonderful and exciting and fun she is. I want her to realize that the things she finds weird about herself make other people gravitate toward her. She's gorgeous and she's made such a remarkable impact on my life. She can be a little brat sometimes and boy is she spoiled but I forgive her all of that so fast when she's around because I just want to be a good part of her life. I just hope so deeply that I've made a positive impact in her life and that I am half as important to her as she is to me. 


As we can see now these are going to be pretty sappy so ummm deal. :) 


Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

I really like this

For the month of October I am going to be doing 30 truths. Originally found here. I'm going to group them sometimes if I get behind. Best part, I'm already behind so here are 1-4.


Day 01: Something I hate about myself.
Here it goes... I'll let it out. I'm wishy washy. I go back and forth on things and big decisions and such. I'm getting better slowly but surely but I definitely hate or strongly dislike that part of me. I make lists in my head and I make a decision and then I feel good about it but then I get scared and go back on it. It's stopped me from doing a lot of things that I might have enjoyed. 


Day 02: I love my hair. Yes, that is quite vain but I do. I love being a redhead/strawberry blonde. I think my hair color has had a huge impact on my personality. Ever since I can remember people have told me how pretty my hair is. For a while it was just older people which made me doubt the compliments truth considering people my age just picked on me but very recently I've fully and completely embraced my hair color and I love it very much. Being a redhead definitely sets you apart whether you like it or not. Luckily I not only got the ginger mutation but I also received my dad's vanity genes. I love good attention. I sometimes blush or get flustered but I love it none the less. I often worry about what is going to happen when I go gray. I'm definitely scared for that day because I can not imagine what life would be if I weren't a redhead. I get a little anxious just thinking about it.


Day 03: Something I have to forgive myself for... gosh, that's a hard one. Maybe not being able to fix my mom's life for her. Or not always being perfect. I need to say "it's okay" to myself when I mess up so I can learn from it instead of feel ashamed and mortified. Sometimes I feel like it's my job to fix anything and everything. I feel like I can take on the whole world's problems if I just give them enough thought and space in my mind. Trouble is I start panicking and not only do problems stay unsolved, I end up needing a lot of time to recoop. I also need to forgive myself for upsetting my parents from time to time and being a disappointment. I can't always be what they want. I can only be what makes me happy.


Day 04: I have to forgive my ex for the way he up and left, for the way he pussied out of saying goodbye because he wasn't man enough. I have to forgive his weakness so I can believe that the next person won't do the same thing. I have to forgive him his weaknesses so I don't keep wondering if just maybe I wasn't enough. 
I have to forgive a coworker of her horrible attitude and spiteful ways and I have to stop fueling the fire by talking more smack behind her back. I just get really fired up when people think that I am someone to be bullied or even worse pushed to the side. Possibly because I question my worth and my strength so much that when someone else does I have to prove to them I'm fierce and worth it so I can believe it myself. Oh goodness I'm so sappy. That's what I get for doing these after watching emotional episodes of Desperate Housewives...


Here's what to expect over the next 30 days. Like I said before, I may clump some of them together... life is busy and sometimes at night I just want to sleep. :) Doesn't mean I don't love and appreciate every single one of my 7 readers! I seriously appreciate the eff out of you guys. Thank you for taking time out of your day to see a little part of my world. 


Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself