We Heart It

I've been holding a lot inside lately. A lot good, a lot bad, a lot in between. I guess I should get it out but I don't have one good outlet for it all. It's mumbled and jumbled in my head and don't get my wrong, all in all I'm happy but my nights aren't one continuous sleep. When my slumber is interrupted and I have to open a window to get the cold air to clear my head I know I need to let some stuff out. Problem is, I don't.
I'm trying but as I get older and get into new situations it gets harder and harder to find the perfect avenues in which to communicate while keeping everybody happy and guarding secrets as best as I can.

My boyfriend is amazing and I adore him. Things are great. But even a bunch of good feelings can become overwhelming and sometimes when you put things on pedestals they disappoint. Not the fault of the other, just the mistake of placing it so high in the first place.

My room at my new house (moved back in with Mom to pay off the good ol' credit card debt) is so very messy and unorganized and I have no want to do anything to fix it lately. All I want to do is spend time with the new significant other but I haven't really be able to do that either.

I'm sorry, this post seems down, I'm just drained and probably hungry and last week was a whirlwind and this week is recovery and I guess I'm just going to do it one day at a time.

Do I have any other choice?

My Desk At Work. Decorated. yay birthdays!

When I walked into the office on Friday this is how I found my desk:





They couldn't figure out what freaked me out so they just decided printed cats, clowns and slabs of meat. They also left me a pretty little message that was someone mimicing the sound of throwing up. NO THANKS!!!
Puke does freak me out, the other things just made me laugh.
Oh yeah, and they spelled my name horribly wrong. They also did that on purpose knowing that it makes me a tad irritable. I mean, my twitter name is coreywithane... I am very fond of my e. (clearly not the drug, I don't own any of that kind of e)

So there's that, more later with birthday gifts and such.

I have some of the bestest friends ever!

A missing piece I'm not 100% sure I have room for yet

*source unknown, most likely weheartit

Sometimes this is how I feel. Not that I've lost anybody or that a love is gone, but more so that I just have an empty space where a warm, loving body should be. I'm going to stop their with the sad tone, I don't mean to be sad or melancholy... I'm just thinking. I will be the first to admit my hesitation (to say the least) to commit to anything and more importantly anyone. I'll commit to day plans, or short term jobs. I'll commit to chores (sometimes) or exercise routines but that's about it. I don't always stick books through to the end, my shelves are half filled with books who's beginning pages I have read but then soon put down for one reason or another. My latest huge commitment would have to be my job. I still squirm at least once every two days about committing to a 9-6 job. Not because I don't like what I do, not because I don't like having money and not because I have any other grand plans that I am making myself miss out on. I squirm because I feel confined. I don't mind working and I don't mind having responsibilities, in fact, I feel much better about myself when I am doing something that I consider at least a little challenging to the norm. What frustrates me is that if I wanted to, I could not leave early one day, I could not go take a nap for an hour or two and pick up and start again later. I have to stay the full amount of time regardless of if I have finished my to-dos for the day or even the week.
What does this have to do with the picture, alright, I'm roping myself back in, sorry. So what I mean is, I'm not sad that I don't have a significant other. Well, sometimes I am. Sometimes I feel a pang of emotion that just fills me for a second and leaves me wishing I had found someone I could stand to keep around as more than a friend. But the truth is, I haven't. As much as I would love to find someone I can connect with in many different ways AND be sexually attracted to for more than a month, I just haven't found someone. So that is why there is a space on the side of my bed. That is why I sometimes feel like the space should be occupied by another person instead of me spreading out over both sides.
Sometimes.
But not all the time.
Cuz if there were someone there I wouldn't be able to shift to find the cool spots under the sheets.