*source unknown, most likely weheartit
Sometimes this is how I feel. Not that I've lost anybody or that a love is gone, but more so that I just have an empty space where a warm, loving body should be. I'm going to stop their with the sad tone, I don't mean to be sad or melancholy... I'm just thinking. I will be the first to admit my hesitation (to say the least) to commit to anything and more importantly anyone. I'll commit to day plans, or short term jobs. I'll commit to chores (sometimes) or exercise routines but that's about it. I don't always stick books through to the end, my shelves are half filled with books who's beginning pages I have read but then soon put down for one reason or another. My latest huge commitment would have to be my job. I still squirm at least once every two days about committing to a 9-6 job. Not because I don't like what I do, not because I don't like having money and not because I have any other grand plans that I am making myself miss out on. I squirm because I feel confined. I don't mind working and I don't mind having responsibilities, in fact, I feel much better about myself when I am doing something that I consider at least a little challenging to the norm. What frustrates me is that if I wanted to, I could not leave early one day, I could not go take a nap for an hour or two and pick up and start again later. I have to stay the full amount of time regardless of if I have finished my to-dos for the day or even the week.
What does this have to do with the picture, alright, I'm roping myself back in, sorry. So what I mean is, I'm not sad that I don't have a significant other. Well, sometimes I am. Sometimes I feel a pang of emotion that just fills me for a second and leaves me wishing I had found someone I could stand to keep around as more than a friend. But the truth is, I haven't. As much as I would love to find someone I can connect with in many different ways AND be sexually attracted to for more than a month, I just haven't found someone. So that is why there is a space on the side of my bed. That is why I sometimes feel like the space should be occupied by another person instead of me spreading out over both sides.
Sometimes.
But not all the time.
Cuz if there were someone there I wouldn't be able to shift to find the cool spots under the sheets.
