Silver Linings

Today is better. There is hope in the air. I know I go up and down as fast as a roller coaster at Six Flags and for that I apologize but I do need to get it out somewhere and sometimes doing it in a blog makes me think a little harder about the situation and it forces me to do something I love which is look through pictures.

I don't know what is to come in the future, maybe a reunion if one party is ready and the other hasn't set her mind elsewhere. Maybe not. But I'm not the basket case I was yesterday and I can talk without tears pouring out of my eyes like waterfalls.

The good thing about yesterday was I received my lovely polaroid in the mail yesterday. I have to wait until payday to buy film and then have to wait until they ship it, but having the camera itself to hold (with a case and two flash bars to boot!) was definitely something that kept my eyes dry for a minute.

Sunday night I finished a book I had been reading for a couple of weeks and so I had some time after my crying to look at my bookshelf for the next pick.

As I was looking and looking I needed something inspirational and I happened upon my favorite picture book: A Year of Mornings.



While I am not the kind to get up early in the morning the pictures are so gorgeous and I get very jealous of the authors' eye for simple beauty. It wouldn't hurt to try my hand at something similar however, so I will be uploading random photos from my day occasionally.

I hope you enjoy what I come up with.

We Heart It

I thought we weren't on the brink of a break up. But Friday got worse and worse with every hour. Sunday was the day. It had to end.
Neither of us wants it to end but it has to. He has to focus on getting his life in order. I can't help him and I can't wait around.

I know it needs to happen but I'm on the verge of tears constantly. I hate this. I want my boyfriend back.

I just want him back.

Please can this day be over, I just want to be in bed.

We Heart It

Ah yes, so the curse of the terrible Fridays has struck the A&C relationship once again. At least this time we're not on the brink of break up. At least this time we're not dealing with his horrible chest pains that scare the bejeezus out of me.
At least it's not life threatening, at least he's not in the hospital from a wreckless night,
At least....

So now what is going on:

The roommate that has his name on the lease (let's just call him douche) just gave the boy and the rest of his roommates (including his own brother) until 12 tonight to get all of their stuff out of their place. That's not even 24 hours. Seriously, what the heck? (I'm trying so hard not to cuss on any of my updates right now... it's incredibly hard.)

So instead of going to see Letters to Juliet with him like I've been looking forward to (and let me just tell you it was his idea because I went to see Nightmare on Elm Street with him, I wasn't dragging him anywhere) I'll be finding other plans for myself because he will be moving everything out of his house and then staying at a friend's house. I'm a little sketched out on the whole situation and I'm wondering just how much drama there is going to be in his life before everything settles down and we can just enjoy our relationship.

But that is incredibly selfish, his life is being thrown all around and he has to keep his footing and just keep going.

This is beyond nutter butters.

Oh yeah and I'm just about bathing in this tonight:

Photo location

Day three of no soda. Tomorrow at noon I can say I am halfway done. Will my stomach be less pouchy? Who knows!
In other news, my dear bf went off on a 21 run with a friend of his and I do not know if they made it through to see this morning. I'm hoping yes but Fridays have not been good for me the past three weeks in a row so I'm a bit skeptical. I keep trying to tell myself that no matter how long I stare at my phone that little light won't turn red unless someone actually texts. I can't do it with my mind.

Oh Fridays you've been rude lately. Can we play a little nicer this time around? I don't want to cry.

<3 C

We Heart It

I've been holding a lot inside lately. A lot good, a lot bad, a lot in between. I guess I should get it out but I don't have one good outlet for it all. It's mumbled and jumbled in my head and don't get my wrong, all in all I'm happy but my nights aren't one continuous sleep. When my slumber is interrupted and I have to open a window to get the cold air to clear my head I know I need to let some stuff out. Problem is, I don't.
I'm trying but as I get older and get into new situations it gets harder and harder to find the perfect avenues in which to communicate while keeping everybody happy and guarding secrets as best as I can.

My boyfriend is amazing and I adore him. Things are great. But even a bunch of good feelings can become overwhelming and sometimes when you put things on pedestals they disappoint. Not the fault of the other, just the mistake of placing it so high in the first place.

My room at my new house (moved back in with Mom to pay off the good ol' credit card debt) is so very messy and unorganized and I have no want to do anything to fix it lately. All I want to do is spend time with the new significant other but I haven't really be able to do that either.

I'm sorry, this post seems down, I'm just drained and probably hungry and last week was a whirlwind and this week is recovery and I guess I'm just going to do it one day at a time.

Do I have any other choice?

Vice on my wallet, it's really time

Like I've been saying for the past month (all my spending life) I really need to cut back and organize and find a way to save money and pay off this ugly credit card. I also need to learn how to keep money in my account between each paycheck. It's not like it needs to be difficult I just have such a shopping but, so quick to pick something up that all my money goes away so fast.

Also, I love, love, love food. So hard for me to take the time to make my own when I could just buy something delicious and fast from someone else. That needs to be cut back tremendously.

Here's what I really need to do:

Enjoy what I already have.

For instance:


Writing pretty letters on pretty paper



Taking pictures with my wonderful cameras



Crocheting new things, continuing old projects, etc

And of course I can be working on the no money needed 25 by 25

Reading:

Current book in my purse. Half way through. It's like reading a dream. I'm really impressed.


and hanging out with the boy :)

I guess it could be worse now couldn't it. I already have such beautiful things in my life and I just keep cluttering it with more.

and PS I'm pretty sure I've mentioned my inability to commit to a relationship outside of friendship. Well, I'm happy to announce that I am in a relationship. The fact that I'm not running for the hills is awesome and incredible and I'm pretty stoked.

photos found on: We Heart It & A Beautiful Mess

Money comes in and then goes away so fast

Spent way too much money yesterday. Oh paydays. I bought myself a plain white comforter from Ikea, decided I'll play around with the sheets instead and stick with a white duvet cover.


Max
Bought this shirt from Max Wanger. My first one. I wanted one a while ago but it didn't hit me so much that I bought it, this time he put up a shirt with balloons and I have a weakness for balloons. :)

Then I bought a slip from Urban Outfitter so I can wear my slip dress from Anthro.

Then Target stole some money on food and such.

Bills bills bill also took some of my pretty monies.

Oh well. Life is good.
I'm really happy in my current boy situation.

Have I ever been able to say that before? I don't think so.

<3

The cutest kitten on the web. Surprise Kitten!

I've been MIA for a bit here and I apologize profusely. I went to Portland for about a week and it was a wonderful trip. Now I'm back at the office, I'm all caught up but my room at home is quite a mess.
I would love to blame it on my lack of unpacking but that is not the case. As soon as I came back from Portland I was recruited to watch my parent's house which was an opportunity I jumped on real fast. It was glorious, like staying in a HUGE, food stocked hotel where I could do my own laundry. I guess if I had my laundry done for me it would have been even better but I'm not looking a prize horse in the mouth.
House sitting took up most of my weekend, and a new boy :) took up the rest. He's also taken up all of my free time Monday and my free time tonight so my room has suffered.
The best part: I'm going to be moving May 1st. I will be moving into my Mom's house in her extra bedroom to save money and work on paying off my credit card. Should be interesting to say the least.
The very least.

Other than all that, life has been pretty good. I'm REALLY sleepy and wish for a nap but alas it cannot be.

I'll be back to my regular updates now. I'm sorry I slacked off.

<3

Found on LifeLovePaper

This is how I feel this week. In the middle of a rush not wanting to go anywhere or do anything. I have wanted to crawl back into bed Monday through today in hopes that I'll feel better after 10+ hours of sleep. I'm sad, it's no secret.

I let someone in and they decided they didn't want to stay. I very, very rarely let people in. I don't know if I did something wrong or if it's just circumstance but it hurts and I don't like it.

I saw Dear John again last night, that certainly didn't help but it let me cry. I want to take a mental health day. Go back to sleep and forget things exist for a bit.

Sorry this isn't as cheery as normal, I'll be back with normal updates soon.

<3